Higo Blog

Loafisms

The word loaf has many usages and its meanings are dependent upon the context in which it is used in. "Loaf" is most commonly used hand in hand with "bread". and is sometimes used as a verb (my boss is good at loafing), adjective (a loaf of whole wheat, what a loafer) and noun (I'll take a loaf and a bottle of Lucky Charcoal Filtered Vodka please!).
"Loaf" often elicits a pavlovian effect on those who hear it, commonly making stomachs grumble. However, the expression "I'm going to pinch a loaf" makes normal people wrinkle their noses and verbally express their disgust. Equating the act of defecation with baking is so vile, that it never fails to be at least somewhat funny everytime I hear it.
Which leads me to a question: can certain types of feces be considered "loaves"? I think so. A loaf can be defined as "stuff compressed or formed into a solid column-like form, through the processes of baking or squishing that stuff together". After all, cold cuts are sliced from loaves of various nitrite injected proteins(think olive loaf). And, you gotta admit, the french baguette, fruit cake(vile in its own right), and other types of bread, tend to resemble our excrement. It is not uncommon for my brother to proudly describe what he flushes, and he can probably recollect his favorite noteworthy specimens. He might even have a photo album.
This picture though, put together two words that I just never expected to see together. Now, after being in Japan for a year, I have aquired a taste for many animal parts that are not commonly eaten in the States(chicken gristle, gizzard, hormone, stewed tendons and ligaments, etc...), among them tongue. But for some reason, when you add almost any bodily part with the word "loaf" it is transformed into something that is instantly disgusting. Here, why don't you try: Think of a random body part (say, for example, skin) and add the word "loaf". And presto! Mmmmmmm.... skin loaf! What a fun word! And who says learning English is no fun?!?

Hiking Kuju

This is an insect that was found at the peak of Mount Kuju. It was about the size of a large grape, and has the general morphology of a tick. It moved very slowly and didn't seem bothered at all when picked up. As there were no visible animals at the top of the mountain other than people, their pets, and insects, and sparse vegetation, I am guessing that this monster tick eats volcanic rocks and dirt.

I hiked up the mountain with one of my elementary schools and their families on Saturday. The hike started at eight and ended at three. The sun was shining in the open blue sky, and a constant cold breeze chilled the sweat on my brow. It was such a nice day that there must have been about one thousand visitors hiking the trail on that day alone.My students went at their own pace, and so I was forced to climb from our check in point up to the top three times by three different groups! As soon as I descended (from the last rest point), newly arrived students would demand that I accompany them again!
Anyhow, this is my second "expedition" up Mount Kuju- the first one was much harder to complete, as I took a longer and steeper trail during deep winter in the snow- yes, it was dangerous, but a hike isn't worth doing if it doesn't have some elements of danger. The fact that if you break your leg, then you will either have to suck it up and crawl down, or freeze to death all alone, makes hiking more interesting!
Kuju is the tallest mountain in Kyushu (I think, maybe it's Neko-Dake), and is still volcanically active. The smell of "Io" (or sulphur) permeates the air up there, and the landscapes are fantastically varied and scaled. Truly a magnificent hike if you happen to be in the area! As soon as I get my ISDN connection up and running I will post a bunch of pix.

Ojisan udedokei

This is my good ol Seiko Professional dive watch, which was given to me on my 15th birthday by Kohei. At 15, it looked ridiculous on my scrawny teenage wrist, but now, 9 years later, that has been upgraded to "slightly too large". This thing is a tank, more a bludgeon than a timepiece. It can withstand great pressures, safely able to dive down as far as 200 metres without danger of implosion. This is my new watch of choice while teaching at my hoikuens and shogakkos, as even they won't be able to harm it.

Another One Bites The Dust

Yes, I have sent yet another cherished watch to the junk pile... The Wenger was with me for many adventures and accompanied me on my various travels. It has been diving in Catalina, helped me to teach sailing in Newport, plummetted off of the Circus Circus bungee platform, and has kept me on track for this past year in Japan (among many other things). It was a faced paced round of Duck-duck-goose that finally did it in. I dove for the vacant spot left by the goose, and BOOM, the band broke.

This is not the first time that a watch of mine has died a violent death. When I was living on Picasso Avenue, I lost my Spider-Man watch (limited edition Fossil) in a similar incident. A group of us had just come back from a party on D.P. to our pad, and noticed that Diane was missing. She was last seen drunk, and talking to a couple of guys, so we were obligated to go retrieve her before she got herself into trouble! Me, Steve, Brian, and Chris jumped on our bikes and took off toward the coast. I decided that going down the ramp would only take away more precious time, so decided to jump the curb, between two cars, and join the convoy on the street.

My bike came down in an ungainly angle, and the impact between my front tire and the pavement catapulted me down over the handle bars face first. The impact was a hard smackdown, that I can only describe as "black". With great effort I pushed myself up and uttered the words that would be used to mock me for the following months "I broke my watch!", oblivious to my own state. It was completely smashed beyond any hope of repair. Bits and pieces of the obliterated face reflected the dim yellow glow of the streetlights, the braided leather band snapped in the same place. My bloodied jeans were frayed threadbare at the points of impact, a testament to the power of friction.
The sting of roadrash over my face, right hand, arm, shoulder, hip, and knees accompanied he realization that I was bleeding, and my chest hurt. I limped inside, and Brian took off to find Diane. They returned immediately.
I went to the bathroom and pulled out the good 'ol hydrogen peroxide and cotton swabs. It took 30 minutes to sterilize all of the wounds and to scrape all of the small rocks and grit out. Everytime I applied the peroxide, it really hurt, so much that I would scream out in pain. This was followed EVERY TIME by waves of laughter, followed by insincere statements like "I'm sorry but its really funny", or "we're not laughing at you!" followed by more laughter. What good friends huh, laughing and making fun of my agony!
For the next couple of weeks I looked like the recipient of a good thrashing. Slowly, my wounds scabbed up, the scabs peeled off, the pink new skin got tanned, and I recovered. However, for months my chest still ached, and Brian and Chris took potshots, jabbing me in the ribs whenever an opportunity arose. My father visited some time later, and after inspecting the pain, he told me that I had broken my rib. Of course once they found out, this made the bastards laugh even more.
Moral of the story: Not only is BUIing (Biking under the influence) against the law, but it can be very painful physically and psychologically. But after a fall, you must get back up and ride again! With practice and perserverence, one can learn to BUI in a safe and controlled manner, maybe.
Well, its time to get a new watch. I can only hope that the next one will fare better than its predecessors...

Marmite Update: Britain`s Version Of Nato?

A Google Search yielded this page. Like natto in Japan, British children are fed this stuff at an early age, so they aquire the taste after rigorous feeding regimens. Natto is typically served as a condiment to rice, as Marmite generally tops toast (the most popular carbohydrate eaten with every meal in said countries).
In the Marmite page, this is a suggestion of a possible use for this particular "savoury spread":
...Marmite is very effective as a topical ointment in the treatment of haemorrhoids.
And I'll leave it at that...

Is This Stuff What British People Eat???

Yesterday was a free day. The birds were singing, there were "Ferris Bueller clouds" in the bright blue sky, and a gentle breeze, and so of course I got sick the day before and had to stay at home. But this turned out to be a productive day nonetheless. My place was really messy, so I spent most of the day sorting, organizing, and tossing stuff in the garbage. As I was going through, discarding things in the kitchen that had grown a layer of grey mold (everything- I am not even exagerating) I found this jar of Marmite. Contains various vitamins, 100 percent vegetarian, yeast extract... this looks like something that my father would recommend to treat you for whatever might be ailing you at the moment.

So I unscrewed the grimy yellow cap, and was treated to a whiff of stuff that smelled like a mix of Kyolic (fermented garlic infusion of nastiness), vinegar, and Karo syrup. It was thicker than honey, and had the color of spoiled chocolate pudding. Surprisingly (maybe not really), no mold had grown on this. Even if it had, this stuff could not be any nastier that it was in its natural state.

I know Brits eat some strange stuff. Steve's Toad in the Hole and other lard filled dishes are proof of this. I mean, are you supposed to find pubes in this dish traditionally, or was that just a special treat created in honor of Pete? Anyways, what did Harvey (my predecessor) use this stuff for? Since it was in the kitchen, I can only assume he ate or drank it in some form. I was thinking, are you obligated to eat disgusting things if you are a vegetarian? I think if I were vegetarian, I would opt not to eat Marmite, even if it made me a pseudo-vegetarian, and all the other vegetarians looked down on me (while enjoying a heaping tablespoon full of stinky goodness). I find the other argument, that it contains vitamins, not sufficient to get me to put this stuff in my mouth. I prefer my vitamin fortified Froot Loops and Kix thank you very much!
Has anyone eaten this stuff? If so I am curious to know:
1. Why?
2. How?
3. Would you ever do it again?
4. Is this stuff big in the U.K.?
5. Is it traditionally served with pubes?

Zou No Zou

Still trying to figure out how to make an "o" with a straight accent line over it (indicating a long o sound). The addition of a "u" to the end of the "o" will just have to make do for now.

Ride On!

I have tried to ride many different things down many different steep areas around Japan. Snowboarding in the local hills, mountain boarding on Mount Aso and the Ubuyama Bokujo, cardboard down Kikka-machi's huge steep astroturf hill, homebase down the long roller-slide in Kyokushi, Taro's longboard down a jinja, et cetera. But this was the most fun I've had recently.

At English camp, I tried riding a sled down a really steep grass hill, and had many good rides. My students saw this and tried their luck at it. All of the boys couldn't do it, and felt really bad because this girl could nail it from her very first run.

If you ever get the chance to ride sleds down steep grass hills, keep in mind that it is even more fun to wear zoris, and the key to successful jumping is looking good in the air (extra bonus for a good wipeout).

Inaka Tempura (Is What The Kanji Below Reads)

In English, "inaka" means "country". I live in the cho-inaka (or uber-boonies, for you non Japanese speakers).

My village is so inaka that the local restaraunt doesn't even make shrimp tempura. Nonetheless, this tempura kicked some major ass! It was every type of vegetable and mushroom tempura conceivable piled into a huge mountain of oily goodness (I am still trying to decide if this would be considered a healthy meal or not), and I was unable to finish all of it! Is this the equivalent of country style biscuits and gravy? The Japanese still have much to learn in the ways of fattening and unhealthy foods.

Crikey, Thats A Big Sheila!

What kind of savage beast could possibly do this type of damage to my forearm???

You are probably picturing this, the mighty T-Rex, in your head! But no, this creature is much more cunning and dangerous.

She is so dangerous that they keep her behind a reinforced set of iron bars, and use modified supercharged cattleprods to keep her at bay! This is what bit me, and she has since the last chomp, tried to bite me a couple more times!

However, no beast can match up to the raging fury that lurks within my little sister. I have a scar on my cheek created from when I was 5 years old. She bit down and refused to let go even after drawing blood, a testament to her feral temper.

Beer + Horses + Drunk People = Fun

On my way driving to an English Camp on Saturday morning, I was surprised to hear Japanese drums. As I came around a curve, a saw a frightened horse bulldozing his handlers into the heavy traffic. He was clearly terrified by the streaming cars, the dancing participants, and the throbbing drums. I learned that they were preparing for the "Drunken Horse Festival" that I had missed last year, and that the main event would be on Monday. I spent the three day weekend working with the same 5th and 6th graders that I taught during the summer. It was great to see them want to use their english, and I think this batch has great potential. I taught Kaho-chan to do the proper Kung Foo pose while uttering "Tiger-style" in traditional Wu-Tang Clan style (Method Man would surely approve).

Anyhow, yesterday I decided fight my mind paralyzing fatigue, to witness the ensuing mayhem. From what I heard, this festival was started in order to honor the horses of Kumamoto for their part in facilitating a smashing victory on the Korean Peninsula(yet another reason why Koreans hate Japanese).
It didn't seem like the horses really liked the honor that was bestowed on them. I met up with a bunch of friends and co-workers, and we watched the latter half of the 65 or so horses and thousands of hapi-clad paraders dance, stumble, and thrash around spastically to the sounds of drums and loud hoarse chanting of the various MCs (one per horse). Horses and people alike lacked the equilibrium needed to avoid collisions. The horses were completely freaked, bucking on several occasions. I saw one horse charge to the side of a really small street packed past capacity. He swung around in an unsteady arc, and without warning smashed into the trapped crowd with several rapid kicks! Unbelievably, no one was injured.

About ten minutes later, I saw an ambulance streak by headed in the same direcion...
The parade was amazing and I stayed for three hours. I was rockin to the beat and rewarded with beer on many occasions (that I had to give away, since I had to drive home).

How was this matsuri started anyways? I can imagine a bunch of Kumamoto men saying: You know what we should do? Lets throw a party and watch what happens when we get the horses sloshed! I bet my horse can drink more than yours! etc.

I have found the best, most fun matsuris are the ones that blend danger, alcohol, and a riotous crowd in the proper measure. This matsuri ranks among the best that I have encountered so far.

My Puppy Is Cuter Than Mika's

Heh heh... Fire!

Rules Of Engagement

Tiny exploring hands. This is my concise description of what a Hoikuen (nursery school) is. I no longer keep anything on me when I visit because my kids are all pickpockets of varying skills. The mob technique is employed every time I go, with two kids clamping onto each leg, while two apiece grab onto my arms, and everyone else huddles against me. Sometimes the more motivated ones bring chairs or anything else they can step on (i.e. eachother) to jump onto my back. Its a collective effort to make me plummet to the Earth, much like the exploits of groups of primative Neanderthals working as a team to bring down a mighty mammoth! There is no holds barred in this dystopic island of the beasts. I have developed a set of rules to follow to ensure my survival:
1. Cover your crotch and anal areas at ALL times. The boys especially used to love socking me full force in the nuts at unexpected times. I put a stop to this immediately by applying my Vulcan Death Grip, so now it has almost ceased to be a problem. However, the kancho (shoving fingers up your butt) remains a problem. They ALWAYS try this at some point during the day, even if I make them sorry they did it. What is it about these kids? Don't their parents teach them that you shouldn't touch certain things??? I have even seen adults engage in this behavior!
2. Don't fall to the ground. One word sums it up: Dogpile. With 30 plus kids at a time, death by suffocation is not so far fetched a possibility (is this proper English???).
3. Don't duck down to check on the status of a crying child. This seems heartless, but unless you think something is really wrong, chances is that this is just a clever, irresistable ruse. Survey the situation standing completely erect. If you don't understand this, see #2.
4. If you push the kids on the swings, demand reciprocation. This gives you a chance to rest, and its fun to see them try so hard and get absolutely nowhere (hahaha!!!). Really, though, find a good place to avoid detection and rest when you need it.
5. Wear stuff that you wouldn't mind wearing if you were to go wrassle yerself some hogs. Stuff gets stretched out, torn, and really really dirty. Boogers, dirt, food, and many other disgusting forms of contamination will bombard you from the time you arrive until you make it to your car.
6. Bring stuff to bribe them with. When reason fails, use their greed to get them to do what you want! Dealing with a pack of hoikuen kids is probably the same as dealing with the Mongol hordes. Show no fear, and promise them rewards if they cooperate.
7. Think carefully before you do something for anyone. If you do it for one of them, you probably will have to do it for all of them.
8. Think carefully before you talk. They are brilliant at parroting when they want to, so only proper English should be spoken. If rule #1 is forgotten, this can be quite challenging.

9/11

I remember.
Almost exactly two years ago my family had a REALLY BAD DAY. My Mom busted into my room early in the morning hysterically screaming about terrorists blowing up the World Trade Center. Immediately we all got up and started watching the reports roll in, showing unbelievably horrifying footage. The same thing must have been happening all over America. How could things be worse...

From a few months before my Dad had been complaining about severe stomach cramps, and he believed it to be caused by stress. Everything he tried seemed to have little effect on easing the pains, which worsened with the passing of time. Refusing to go see a doctor, his last efforts were directed toward seeking out Chinese herbalists that might be able to treat his excrutiating pain (if you know my Dad, you know he would rather recieve a swift kick in the nuts, rather than admit to feeling something as trivial as pain!). I could tell things were wrong because the night before, he walked in the door with his pants unbuttoned, leaning on the bannister, saying "Hi Ad", fighting to keep up the appearance of control and strength. Although he was in great pain, he didn't lash out in anger to vent it. He maintained control of himself to the very very last second (sort of like how he likes to wait past closing time to make his way to the register, only after the Costco employees start getting pissed off about it).
Flash back to about 9:00 in the morning. I am summoned upstairs by Mom calling "Adam, Merin, get up here!". My Dad uttered words that chilled me to the soul, the words I never expected to ever hear him say: "Take me to the hospital!". As he said this my father looked like a dying man. His face was jaundiced, eyes bulged out and bloodshot, jaws clamped down fulll force, sweat pouring out of him. He refused to let us summon an ambulance stating "Its going to take too long to get here!".
So we got him into the QX-4 and I hauled full throttle to Fountain Valley Hospital. The whole time he was screaming "Oh F**k, I want you to SHOOT ME!" and other really frightening things of the same vein. We took him to the emergency entrance, and he tried to quickly and accurately explain his condition to the medical personnel.
M.P.: I'm going tell me where the pain is, Mr?
Dad: DR. Yoshida. The pain is in the LOWER LEFT QUADRANT! I think I need about 20 c.c.s of.....
M.P.: Take it easy sir! Folks(to us), we're going to need you to fill out the proper paperwork and wait over there (the small waiting room).
Luckily, my father lived. It turns out that his gallbladder had exploded and turned gangrenous (I'm guessing that this would be due to gas gangrene, the worst of all types of gangrene I think) almost killing him. In other words, it was ROTTEN! I can't imagine what that would be like: In degrees of pain, it must have been past excruciating.
9/11 was a bad, bad day. But I, unlike almost all other Americans, was slightly relieved at the end of the day. My father was finally getting proper medical treatment, and was in stable condition. I slept that night, and it wasn't until the coming of the following days that the magnitude of the attacks finally kicked me in the head.

What Does This Mean???

Little Girl Experiences Umeboshi For The First Time

Engrish Lessons!

Lessons are proceeding better than expected, and I have tweaked my lessons to up the game time, introduce a more broad range of cultural content, and reinforce past lessons. This is the culmination of years of observation, cognition, and experimentation: As Hannibal says "I love it when a plan comes together!".
Last night during a private eikaiwa (english conversation class) I learned that Kikuko (the secretary at Yamaga Shogakko) was able to use some English that I taught her four months before. Some of the lessons I have been making deal with trouble shooting in other countries, including: how to protect yourself from scams, what to say in difficult situations, how to find the best places (to eat, shop, party, etc...), how to get around and ask directions, how to give vague answers to dangerous questions, how to get the best prices on stuff, and the use of slang and idioms to name a few. Anyhow Kikuko went to Vietnam two weeks ago, and had a chance to use what I taught her. The maid tried to make her sign a charge sheet stating that she would pay for a TV set that was broken when she was away from her hotel room. Kikuko read the statement, and realized that the maid was trying to pull a fast one, so she busted out with: "I want to talk to your manager!". The maid's bluff called, she quickly said "I'm sorry, there's no problem, let me talk to my manager and I will take care of this" and she was not charged or bothered about it again! I can tell you this much- MY eikaiwa students will not be taken advantage of like your run of the mill Nihonjin! Try and take advantage of them will earn you a "Crazy Fool(in the words of the all mighty B.A. Baracus)! What are you trying to pull? Do you think I'm stupid?!? Whats your name? I want to talk to your boss!". Ah, thats what teaching is all about!

Over Hill, Over Dale

Yesterday was confused. First it was really hot without a sky. Then the clouds blitzed in and it poured heavily. Then the sun came out and it still poured heavily. Sporadic batallions of clouds made up of light and dark divisions scrambled across the blue expanse, all the while allowing the sunlight to filter through like the exhaustingly overseen replica paintings of Thomas Kinkade. I could've kicked myself in the nuts for not bringing my new digicam, so I had to capture this frame with my Docomo D251i instead.
This pic was taken at El Patio Ranch on the way to Ichinomiya. The five posts silouetted in the foreground act as masts to the ragged American flags that fly during rain or snow. This probably would be a dramatically patriotic picture had I remembered to bring along the QV-R4! Lesson learned.

Scalpel...Sponge...Spork

My chugakko kids wear these scrubs every day while serving lunch. C'mon guys, its just food! I think that hairnets and gloves suffice for everyday food service. I guess that if I had to wear surgical scrubs while putting lunch trays on my friends desks every day, I might just become obsessive about sanitizing everything to the point of being paranoid in many unnecessary situations. No wonder my co-workers were so freaked out about SARS and would not yield to reason: they were conditioned since they were born to over-react in normal everyday situations. I must admit that it was fun coughing and sneezing when everyone asked "do you feel alright?" after I came back from Thai! Its good to give people a good scare once and a while- brushes the dust off of the ol' fight or flight reaction.

Summertime and the livin's EZ

The one on the left is Ken, and on the right we have Natsuki.
Ken is blasting the camera with an Ultraman energy beam, and Natsuki is ready to put the smack down on anyone who wants beef. Natchan already has a small beer belly, placing him way ahead of his peers.

Ewwwwww...

When people hear that I get to work at 3 hoikuens every week, they generally say either "Awwwww, they must be so cute" or "Wow, that sounds cool". Well these two statements are true, but babies are really disgusting things. They piss all over the tatami, they smell like feces at times, they drool whether excited or comatose, have food caked in their hair, face, clothes, and whatever else they come into contact with, they will put their hands anywhere, they put anything they can into their mouths, and they perpetually have big boogers creeping out of their tiny noses.
Its not like my kids are not well taken care of. After lunch they are cleaned, but it seems like all effort is in vain. In no time, they are once again filthy. Hahaha, my home no longer seems so messy anymore!

Negative View

When browsing your keitai display, you usually look perpendicularly from a 90 degree angle, straight on. However, if you look from about a 15 degree angle, the screens colors will invert. Looking at an inverted picture this way will, of course, turn the colors back to normal.
This reminds me of a favorite tecnique of inverting pictures in high school photoshop class. After exposing a photo and washing it in the developing solution, if you once again expose it with plain light for a short period of time, it will create an image similar to the negative.

Monkeys Invade Obscure Mountain Village

This is 4 year old Akari-chan of Hokubu Hoikuen. The children in this part of Ubuyama can climb trees like no other children I have encountered, but only when they are really young.

Oxymoron

I was watching the Discovery Channel a couple of nights ago, about this New Zealand marine scientist and his quest to capture architeuthis (the giant squid). Dr O'Shea came up with the brilliant idea to go after larval architeuthis instead of adults. I found this to be disappointing, after all, there is nothing giant about a baby giant squid. I have always thought that to capture a giant squid, you would have to prepare for battle. Harpoons, modified high voltage cattle prods, and noxious chemical weapons turned out to be quite unnecessary. No danger, no thrashing tentacles of death, no gnashing razor sharp beak, no giant unblinking eyes... Nonetheless it was an exciting documentary.
First, his team had to screen through the vast archives of specimens of larval squid to identify the never before seen target species. After that was done he proceeded to net larvae of known giant squid breeding areas, refining the tecnique until he captured seven live specimens in one expedition. Unfortunately stage three, the rearing of a giant squid by means of aquaculture, did not happen because none of the larvae survived the trip to port.
However, O'Shea's team made breakthroughs in keeping other species of deep water squid alive and thriving for unprecedented lenghths of time. This is indeed exciting news, and the possibility of seeing fully grown architeuthis in aquariums no longer seems so impossible!
I want a giant squid in my fish tank! Can you imagine? Hours of fun experimenting what a giant squid will and will not eat! And of course, watching the epic battle unfold when you put a Sperm whale and a giant squid in the same tank!

Shifting Gears

Today I decided to change my lessons in all of my classes, increasing the duration and range of games played. I have decided that not all games need to be tied into practice of English, as long as they serve the purpose of motivating the students to develop their language, cognition, social, motor, and various other skills that will be of use in the future. This ties into my plan to create an educational environment which will encourage creative and critical thinking, with the ultimate goal of providing my kids with the tools to learn on their own, and to motivate themselves independently of the curriculum based education.
I am quite happy with most of my shogakko lessons, and the kids still have a spark in their eyes and WANT to learn more English. The Hoikuen kids also like English lessons, but they forget everything rapidly, and many of them can't yet speak Japanese!
I think the best thing I can do for my kids is to support them in enjoying their childhood experiences. I believe that with positive associations, my kids will turn out better in the longrun if I concentrate on important areas and cut down on unnecessary educational activities. This is my way of upping the quality and cutting away the excess quantities. They will have plenty of time to vegetate and to perfect their techniques to deal with rote, mindrotting work when they reach Chugakko.
As for Chugakko, the best I can do (since we have to stick to the text and do boring drills to prepare for the outdated entrance exams) is to concentrate on the students whose interests in English and foreign cultures have not completely collapsed, and hopefully make a small difference. It is discouraging to note that with the jump from Hoikuen to Shogakko and from Shogakko to Chugakko, the rate at which the students pick up English dramatically decreases. This in itself is not necessarily bad, but the plunge in morale as Chugakko progresses is indeed a sad, sad thing to witness.
There is hope at the end of the tunnel, though. After teaching High Schoolers this summer, I found many of them to be highly enthusiastic and hungry to learn English. This is also true of many college students who I have met. I know that my kids have the potential to become truly engaged in the pursuit of real education, and hope that that potential comes to fruition. This years work is indeed cut out for me. I will do my best.

A closer look at LOTR, its origins, and its unworthy legacy

When JRR Tolkien created the Middle Earth universe, he was tapping into an aincent lore of European origin, exploring the struggle between the eternal clash of good and evil. I know that, like me, Beowulf must have made a big impression on Tolkien.
The worlds of Beowulf and Middle Earth have several things in common: rings of power and other objects infused with might and power, a force of great evil threatening to wipe out the forces of good, the great unbalance of power in favor of evil, heroes and villians with great and godlike powers, themes of reincarnation, and similar names. Also introduced, in the Silmarillion are elements of Norse/Olimpian pantheons, gods, and legends.
Tolkien started from the ground up, creating a foundation for Middle Earth. He explained the mechanics of creation, and how things in this world were governed. This, like any good mythology, gave meaning for existance and tied everything together, so that the readers would not have to fill in any huge gaps. It is also remarkable to note that he created maps and even made new languages, presumably from his extensive experiences at college.

He also tended to be a bit of a recluse, seldom appearing in public or giving interviews. Who would blame him? The stories are so rich, they seem to be written for Tolkien himself. His world of fantasy is so complete, why emerge from it to deal with mere man when he could kick it with Tom Bombadil and the elves.

I had often wondered how a production of LOTR would take place, as the stories are so long, and full of nuances. I imagined that someone would make an Anime series (not like the cartoon version of the series that was made in the 70s), as this media is more versatile than conventional films. However, back in college, I was delighted to hear that Peter Jackson started work on LOTR. However, I had my reservations. How could he expect to match the scope of the world of Tolkien: he couldn`t. How closely would he stick to the books: small changes obviously had to be made to cram one book into a time limit of three hours, this was to be expected. Could the films possibly live up to my preconception of Middle Earth? Nope.

I prepared myself to be dissapointed. It was not possible for the movies to make the Wraiths as evil and terrifying as I imagined them on many dark nights, reading by flashlight. Gandalf and Shadowfax could'nt be as badass as I pictured them, even with all of the special effects available. As much as I wanted to watch the movies, I hoped that they wouldn't ruin the images and experiences that I had created in my head after completing the series.

I have some major faults with the two movies out so far, but I thought that The Fellowship of the Ring was done reasonably well. The major beef I have with this movie is that they made Arwen, a minor character who plays the most important role during The Return of the King. The scene where she carries Frodo across the river, drawing the wraiths into a booby trap? Never happened.
And what will become of Eowyn, with whom Strider first develops an affection for? Looks like she will not have to choose Faramir afterall.
Interesting parts also missing from the first film include the visit to Tom Bombadil's hippie co-op, and how the Hobbits escape from the Barrow Wights. Although, yes, I understand there is only so much that can be crammed into the space of three hours. I know, but I still think you shouldn't undertake a classic of such magnitude if you can not portray it in a suitable fashion. Still, I must admit I liked the movie overall and was excited to watch the second movie.

The second movie was a disaster. I don't even want to talk about it and have no need to ever see it again. Heck, I don't even want to talk about the BS that was pulled in that movie. Now that the bar has been lowered, I expect to be at least a little more satisfied with the Return of the King, but at this point, I would rather see the final installment of the Matrix.

Well, at least the books remain. This medium is still and I think, will always be more powerful than movies could ever be. The world of Middle Earth is a personal place, and reading your way through it allows you to personalize it. The creative liberties that Peter Jackson took violated this. I know that the movie execs wanted to capture the demographic pie slice that loves Titanic and Disney movies. He did bring in the money, but the bottom line is that he sold out making sure that the films would safely be as commercially successful as possible.

Grease Monkey

Today, I went to the local Mobile (we have three gas stations in my town of under 2000 people, go figure...) to get my tire (thats "tyre" for any confused Brits who may be reading) fixed and to get an oil change. As I stepped out of my car, the proprietor exclaimed "Eh, Saru da!" and pointed to the roof of the garage. The monkey proceeded to jump off the roof, go to a tree and start eating its cherry-like fruit.

All of the people inside the Mobile came out to get a good look (as monkeys are rare around here- I didn't know that they were around!!!). The monkey then decided to climb up to the second story of the house, and the doors were open, so the okasan ran up to close them (Out of the blue, without precedent, she started to speak perfect English to me today... He (you could tell it was a he because of the massive nut sack staring you in the face) looked really hungry, and I didn't want to get too close in case he turned evil and started to attack. I will take my chances with Mamushi any day to a pissed off hungry monkey.

Anyways, my oil was changed and my tire was fixed in a record thirty minutes, even with the mechanic taking time to watch the monkey. And he hooked me up- 5000 yen for labor, oil filter, 3.5 liters of oil, and labor!
I hope the monkey finds enough to eat around here, because food is kind of scarce in the surrounding wilderness.

What Is A Higothai?

This is a higothai.

Geneology Development Project (Beta Version)

Recently, I have been driven to give more thought to our family's genealogy. I have a pretty good picture of my Father's side of the family, and have had the great privilege to meet many of them. They are almost always hospitable to the point of me feeling guilty about taking them up on it, and tend to be chill and down to earth. Also, there are many, many, many of them. This is probably also true of my Mother's side of the family too, after all, she is the first of six children. Dad is the youngest of seven. Fertility is not a problem in our family.

Anyways, I took a solo trip down to Kagoshima about two months ago, because I'd never been there. In the old days, the Shimazu clan ruled Kagoshima, holding sway through out the whole of Higo (Kyushu) and parts of Honshu. Anyhow, supposedly, after the Satsuma rebellion, the Shimazu clan fell from power and many of them fled to other parts of Japan. Other than the general history of the clan, I have no idea about my ancestors from southern Kyushu.
Walking around Kagoshima, I really felt at home as if I belonged here. The atmosphere was lively, yet kick-back. Seeing the remains of the castle, reading the words of the former lords, looking at statues of heroes I had never heard of; all of this made a big impression on me. It would be nice to meet relatives from around here, and to find out more about the past.

As I walked the ancient grounds of Kagoshima City, I wondered if the people I passed were related to me in some way: Did they have blood in common with me? Were they the descendents of the vassals or masters of my ancestors? Did that guy selling fish have a Great-great-great-great-great grandfather who sold fish to my Great-great-great-great-great grandfather?

I hope I find the answers to some of my questions, and I invite anyone interested in helping to join in! If one of my unknown relatives or someone with whom I have some secret relationship with is reading this, lets get in touch and help each other!

Justin, Mika, Merin- lets get this organized and find out about the unknown part of our family.

The Last Meal

You have NO idea how good this tasted after eating only burgers from Mos, Mac, Freshness, and occasionally Lotteria for over 8 months! I would have paid 20 bucks for this awesome set: Double Whopper with cheese, Large fries, Large Drink! What is the first thing I am going to do when I get home? I will make a circuit of In N Out, followed by Alertos, then dash over to Tommy's, followed by Claim Jumper and Islands. Then I will visit J&J's house of subs, the Indian place next to J&J's, Rally burger, Fuji burger, Arby's, and Rubio's. In the early morning hours I will go to Jack in the Box, of course!
No wonder Japanese are so skinny- they have no real good burger joints...

How To Catch A Wookie

This pic was taken in Bangkok, in a Lotus Supermarket. For some reason, this reminds me of the piece of meat hanging from the forest canopy in the scene from Return of the Jedi, when Chewie triggers the net booby trap.

I love the supermarkets in Thai. They?re like the supermarkets in Little Saigon, but cleaner and with a larger selection of weird stuff to look at. My only request: get rid of that nasty durian! It smells like rotting carcass!

Presque Vu

In the early winter, I decided to go on a trip to China with Joe and, but SARS made me back out, and their BOE's forbade them to go. I checked out the facts about SARS and decided to go on a trip to Thailand with my Jus and Nam, despite the (negligible, from my POV) risks.

During this time, it was a real pain trying to leave Japan to go anywhere, as everyone (meaning Japanese people) was afraid of SARS. Luckily, I won the battle with my BOE and slipped out of the country. I needed this. Japan was really getting to me, especially after the long winter spent in my uninsulated house, layered under no less than 3 garments at any given time to keep from freezing to death.

As soon as I stepped on the airplane, I felt good. Things were gonna change, I could feel it. I noticed that one of the stewardesses was really nice, and we started to chat in the back of the plane. After we had been talking for a while she started asking really specific questions like "what part of Orange County are you from exactly", and "do you know (fill in the blank)". Finally, she asked me "are you Merin's older brother?". It turns out that Kaori (the stewardess) was an old friend of Merin's from OCC. I know that I look like Merin, but this blew me away and it felt really weird to have met someone that I didn't know but sort of did. Anyhow, I snapped this shot (to the ire of the other attendants who told me that cell phones are to be kept OFF during the duration of the flight, thank you very much!), and it still brings back that strange feeling every time I see it.

At the end of my trip, I randomly met a teacher from Kaset Sart University, whom I had become friends with during a previous exchange program 6 months earlier. He was seeing off another friend at the airport, and we just so happened to meet just before I stepped on the plane. When you meet people unexpectedly in different countries, it can feel like the hand of destiny has pushed you together. This was indeed a strange way to start/end a trip.

Shiramizu

Located only 40 minutes away from my pad is this waterfall. There is a hidden ladder you can climb to access the fogotten campsite, complete with pitfalls, rusty danger signs, and the stench of rotting carcass (no joke). Brought back memories of Stand By Me.

Rimshot

Taken from the Milk Road, on the crest of the largest caldera in the world. In addition, this area boasts some of the best driving to be had in Japan, good clean air, and breath taking views.

Taro's Meat Mobile

Heh heh... I said Meat

For my birthday, Justin flew me up to Osaka to go see ADF in concert!!! They rocked the house, but I missed the lyrical barrage of Deeter. Anyways, the concert kicked major ass and it was one of the best concerts I've been to in Japan!

This also happened to be prime time for cherry blossom viewing parties (hanami), so we bought a lot of frozen meat(that kicked major ass!) for really cheap, got the other provisions together, and had a hanami party in the rain overlooking the Tenri Dam. It was friggin? cold, and there were no cherry blossoms up here, but it was good times. Playing with hanabi, eating awesome food, hanging out with good people- Yes, and it ended with a large bag of assorted fireworks (helicopters, ladyfingers, bottle rockets, roses, etc...) being tossed in the bonfire, chasing the unwary from the warmth. It?s never officially a crazy time in Nara unless someone almost dies from the irresponsible usage of fireworks.

Fireball, Tiger Uppercut!

This is a picture from the famous Fire Festival (hifuri shinji) at Aso Shrine which took place in late March, on a rainy evening. The modest grounds of the temple were crowded past the limits of safety, and the monks handed out bales of hay to anyone wishing to set these on fire and to join in on the melee. No instructions were given, it was more of a "do as you please" atmosphere. The festival transformed the temple grounds into hell with spent straw bails skewed over the premises, burning bright and emitting as much smoke as heat. More and more people spun fireballs, adding to the intensity. Some whirled theirs too close to each other, and cinders shot out as overlapping ellipses came into phase, exploding like the Death Star.

There was one very enthusiastic Japanese girl who loved swinging the fireballs. She swung them in wild trajectories with great enthusiasm, to the horror of people standing 5 feet from her. Usually when others were swinging a bale and the rope burned through, the fireball would quickly fall to the ground and roll maybe a few feet. With this girl, though, the burning bales would arc through the air, as if lobbed by an Olimpiad hammer thrower. Luckily, the first nine times ended without incident, they just scared the bejesus out of anyone close to her. The tenth time, the rope snapped, and the fireball pounded into a guy not 5 feet away from her. Upon impact, the burning hay bursted from the bundle, fully enveloping the cringing man in fire, smoke, and cinders. Luckily for him, the fireball dissipated quickly and he walked away (albeit, with a slight twitch). If I go next year, I know who NOT to stand next to! Thank goodness for the shrine that Japan is not as litigious a society as the good ol? U.S. of A., or else there would be no festivals that I would really want to go to.

Mamushi

Don't Fuck with this snake!!! I have had three encounters with this snake so far, with two of them in my town. This pic was taken in the Northern part of Ubuyama, where they are said to be common. Often seen infused in sake, the mamushi is said to give you "special powers" and to be a "genki drink". Translation: it gives you a really big BONER. This is gross but not as gross as what the Chinese will eat, drink, snort, smoke, or otherwise utilize a wider and more disgusting range of "natural remedies".

Anyhow, I tried to catch my first mamushi four years ago while at a flower park with T-bone in Nara. The small dark snake was just too fast for me, and Taro stopped me from jumping Irwin style into the bushes. Just a month ago, again I tried to catch a snake I saw, this time in front of my house. Armed with my broom, I pinned it down and grabbed the tail, but it freed its head from the broom and started back at my hand. I let it go and it got away. Afterwards I went back to English Camp, and during a hike with my kids, I noticed that this warning sign (In English this time) was the same one I tried to catch just an hour earlier.

Supposedly, people eat Mamushi around here. One of my greatest hopes is to go to a school barbecue and have one of the OG farmer parents pull out a live snake, dress it, throw it on the grill, and say "Adamu sensei, tabete mite onegaishimasu". I'm down with eating the good ol? fashioned country cuisine!

Nippon's Very Own Davy Crockett

I went to visit my friend Kei last February up in Kita-Kyushu, and got to meet his family. They're great people, nice and hospitable to an extreme (even in Japanese standards). Kei's grandfather is the dude in the picture. He speaks english because he piloted in the U.S. during the 50's and now enjoys shooting stuff in his retirement years. On his head a Davy Crockett style cap made of Japanese Racoon-Dog (Tanuki). Other varmints he has plugged with his 20 gauge include kiji (pheasant), inoshishi (wild boar), and kitsune (fox). Miyahara Ojichan may look like a nice old man, but he knows how to handle the steel.

Monkey Igloo

My kids at Hokubu Shogakko made this at the end of winter, when the snow was melting, and it was a blistering 7 degrees C during the day. It felt warmer inside of this dome than my house (and this is not hyperbole, unfortunately). Thank god for summer! Right now its nice and cool up here and everyone else is stuck sweating it out all over most of Japan. Gotta learn to cherish the moments. Then again, there are no bugs during the winter months, and none of that insidious mold!

My house.

Monkey Art

This picture was made by a former hoikuen student named Tatsuyoshi. Notice the badass romaji. and the badass fro on the hungry dude. Ta-kun knows whats up!

Unfortunately, since my hoikuen kids have gone into Shogakko, they have forgotten ALL English. Zannen na.

Incriminating Evidence

Mom, Dad, Mika, concerned friends... Merin is an alcoholic. Please support her in this desperate hour! Merin, we are behind you 100 percent.

Seriously, I didn't want to say anything but someone had to. Sometimes love hurts.

J-Fro (Atomu Version 0.1)

Is it me or does Justin bear an uncanny resemblance to Astro Boy?

Which is funny because I think Atomu was Justin's hero circa age 5.

Upside-Down Winter Fro (post hibiki)

After Going to the Kuju Skiing "Resort" (which is like calling my fish tank an aquarium), my fro was encrusted by a blizzard that came out of nowhere! This kicked major ass because:

1. The entrenched youth forming a wall with 7 layers of strata to block all who dared to board, while looking good sitting down on the slopes, in their brand new way-too-expensive gear, sending emails via the newest keitais, were all scared away by this blessed tempest. It blew hard and deposited a nice layer of powder to cover the icy slush and my hair.
2. The ride kicked major ass after the storm dumped powder on the slope (I would say slopes, but that would be an utter lie). The run was only about 50 meters for the "advanced" half (that?s right, there are only two lifts that make up one run) and I could do it with my eyes closed, making it down in ten seconds. The blizzard was SO thick that it was like riding with my eyes closed.
3. It is nice to be only one of the few quasi-real boarders on the mountain (and I use this word lightly) being blasted by snowflakes. The feelings of a numb face, and the shock of chewing an Altoid and then inhaling the air in sub-artic conditions...

If you want to go boarding in Kyushu, I have a word of advice: save your money. Go mountain boarding instead, or head up to Northern Japan.

Righteous Fro

Why get a hair cut? I have been in Japan for over a year now, and it seems that all the hair stylists know is how to give me a bad one. There was one exception, but they didn't cut the sides short enough, and my hair went wild shortly after. Screw it. Its time for my fro to go back to its natural state.

What is it with bad haircuts in this country anyways?

And So It Starts...Again (sigh!)

Summer break is officially over and classes resume today, so it is back to the same routine. The teachers forgot to tell me to come to the opening ceremony, and as I heard everyone singing the official Ubuyama Chugakko song, I was happy to be left out so that I could read about the discovery of a new order of insect in National Geographic (much more interesting than listening to meaningless speeches). Being invisible has its advantages after all!

Fear the kancho. Imagine little groping hands desperately and endlessly trying to explore the contours and entrance to your ass. Time to put the smack down once more on the preschoolers: Do you smell what the Rock is cookin'!? Gotta make them associate ?kancho? with ?pain and suffering?. But seriously, the kancho is not good for anyone involved. The recipient gets a digit up or near the anal region. The attacker gets a Dirty Sanchez, and usually won?t wash their hands before eating unless they are forced to by their parents or teachers. This is truly a lose-lose situation.