March 26, 2004
Life In Transit
This picture is how I have been feeling for the past two weeks. The weather has been improving and the buds on the sakura trees are about to bust open, but I am in a cloudy mood. There are beams of light piercing through the ominous layers, but they are in the background and overwhelmed at the moment. This week I have gone to too many graduations in Ubuyama. Monday was Ubuyama Chugakko, Wednesday was Yamaga Shogakko, and today was Ubuyama Hoikuen and Nambu Hoikuen.
To me Japanese graduations are about three things: tears, bows, and boring speeches (there are good speeches too, but these usually fall under the "tears" category). I stopped counting how many times I bowed, but 100 for this week seems like a good guess. Sometimes when I'm not thinking I look at the person's face to whom I am bowing, a vestigal habit from taking Tae Kwon Do when I was 5 (my Sensei explained that one should NEVER take their eyes off of their opponent at ANY time. now that man was truly a badass!) and sometimes I do the proper deep immersion eyes-cast-to-the-toes bow. I wish that they would just adopt the handshake to replace bowing at these events. It just seems silly to have each person giving a speech bow a minimum of 6 times, especially when others must also bow unless, of course, the flag is being bowed down to.It has been an ordeal, having to listen to the same speeches over and over by the same old men, and sit quietly watching and empathizing with the children who are trying their best not to fidget. I have used much of this time to meditate, leaving my body and mind on auto-bow mode.
As for the crying, I am just not used to seeing so many people- students, teachers, parents, and spectators both male and female- cry with such intensity and with no shame at expressing these feelings. I think its cool how they are so open to everyone on this special occasion, but I can't relate. Sure, graduations are sad but I was always overjoyed to be freed of the classes and homework with prospects of a summer spent at the beach in the immediate future. I have to admit, I got a little misty and had a couple of lumps in my throat as I heard the little girls trying to give speaches on how greatful they were to the teachers who they were leaving behind. I suppose this was a very gratifying experience for everyone, in a sad sort of way.
Almost all of my favorite teachers are leaving from Ubuyama in one fell swoop. One is going on pregnancy leave, one is moving to Saga-ken, and the rest have been transferred to different schools. I feel like I am being forced to repeat my senior year of high school, as all of my friends are going off to different colleges, but I am happy for the ones that didn't get shafted by the switch and sorry for the ones who did.
Also, this week is the last time that I got to chill at the separate hoikuens, with my separate groups of children and teachers. No lessons, just pure 100% playtime with the little ones, and long chats with the nursery school teachers (these teachers are not subject to switching. this is the most stable type of teaching job in Japan if one wants to work in the same place for a long period of time). No one seems especially happy about being joined into one hoikuen for the village, but it makes financial sense for them. Ubuyama hoikuen is to become more of a daycare service- some of the kids are going to be spending 6 out of 7 days there, for up to 12 hours a day! If you have kids, or have taught pre-school and kintergarten, then you know why this will 1. be rough on the teachers, and 2. not be the best situation for the children. But what do I, the token gaijin, know about anything? So I just watch and deal with it.
Some of my favorite children will be moving as well, but as much as I will miss them I am glad because they seem excited about moving (I think I would too). In a way, this is good because saying goodbye in July will be much easier. I'm pleased with my decision to not stay for a 3rd year in this village, as much as I love the children here. Its time to go, and this point continues to be driven home.
But things are looking better already. Perhaps some cool, talented teachers will replace my friends (but I can't imagine that they can fully measure up to these great teachers. it just doesn't seem possible right now). I know that I am going to have a blast in my classes in April, and have some new ideas that I want to try to get the students motivated. For now, its time to pack for a weekend in sunny Miyazaki. Finally I get to enjoy this great weather at the beach and forget about this week.