August 16, 2004

They Sell What?

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Taken in Ichinomiya. I think the place was a coffee shop.

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August 15, 2004

Bomb Has Been Planted

Sometimes in real life I slip into FPS mode, where I methodically search the environment for targets to engage. This usually switches on when I am walking down a dark hallway or alley. Luckily, no one has jumped out at me so I haven't had to shank them with my keys(and hopefully I never will have to do so).

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Why do they use the term "dust box" instead of "trash/garbage can"?

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The restrooms at Daikanbo provide CTs (counter-terrorists) with the schematics to perform a hostage rescue, should the need ever arise.

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Hi, I'm In Delaware...

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The most boring wine ever.

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August 14, 2004

Sex Ed As Explained By Core 21

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July 15, 2004

The Uncle No One Invites To Dinner

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July 7, 2004

Gyuuba Yuusen

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"Give priority to cows and horses", reads the sign. It's a real danger out here in the inaka. Really. I always thought these signs were in Ubuyama (they practically are) but the sign indicates that this land is part of Ichinomiya-machi.

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May 28, 2004

Poop Fiction

I just found a new demographic for Kevin to bestow his enlightenment upon in this article. Dude, your words are brown gold to the next generation:

The content might seem off-colour to some, but potty humour is big in the world of popular children's literature - from the Captain Underpants series to such best-selling titles as Zombie Butts From Uranus! - and some parents and authors believe the genre is attracting otherwise reluctant readers.

"You have to give kids something they want to read," says Glenn Murray, an educator-turned-children's author from Canada.

Murray co-wrote two books featuring Walter The Farting Dog, a flatulent pooch whose problem saves the day time and time again. The author believes his smelly protagonist is an ambassador for literacy.

My favorite book about excrement is one that I read to my nursery school students called "Unchi", or in English, "Poop" (do you notice how no one uses this word anymore. the last time I remember hearing it was when I last watched Billy Madison). Highly recommended!

To anyone who missed it, the tapeworm story is a must read! Pork is starting to sound a lot more appetizing...


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May 6, 2004

Signs With No Meaning

Back at home, the majority of people are pretty good at giving directions by using street names. You need to be aware of street names, landmarks, and where things are because its an important part of the culture of California. Although driving is also the main way that everyone gets around in these parts, it's not the same in Kumamoto or in Japan from what I have gathered trying to get my bearings for the past year and nine months since I got here. Most people don't know street names, and some don't even recognize the route 3, 11, or the 57 by their names. This would be like not knowing the names of the I-5, 405, or the 101 back home!

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One of the reasons why people don't remember the names is because they are stupidly marked. If a friend gave the directions to "take the 204 to Fukuoka, and you will find the place on the side of the road", then you might well pick the wrong 204 and never find the place until you reached Fukuoka and realised that it might have been on the OTHER 204. Idiotic. I mean, you could clarify by saying "take the 204 to the right by the bypass", but why should you have to. How hard is it to change the name of one of the roads?

My favorite road, the Milk Road, is also marked in a confusing manner. From its spawn point at the Yamanami highway (the 11) it heads off West as the 45 for about fifteen kilometers. Then, for no apparent reason it becomes the 12 for about a ten kilometer stretch, and then reverts to the 45 once again, terminating in Kikuchi (on the 387) after passing through the Gorge (a highly recommended drive!). This is why I think people prefer to use landmarks instead of street names to navigate. The only constants that people will most likely know of are the various legs of the Kyushu expressway, the 3, the 11, and the 57.

Landmarks work surprisingly well, but can also be confusing if improperly used in giving directions. If someone tells you to perform an action (such as turn, go past, etc.) at a conbini (convenience store) then you better get supplemental information. There are so many Lawsons, Family Marts, and 7-11s in close proximity to eachother that navigating by these alone is likely to get you lost.

My friend Jason Wians takes giving directions by using these methods to extremes. The first time I was coming to his house he said the following:

"From Aso, go towards the airport (in Mashiki). Pass the airport, and two or three signals after you will see some ostriches on the left. Turn left. When you see the Everyone (conbini) take a left. Keep going straight until you see some vending machines (this is like saying keep going straight until you see a tree) and turn left. Go straight until you see a hoikuen, and take the right just before you pass it. Take a left at the dog and a right after the old man, and my house will be on the left. Alright, good luck. Yeehaw! Texas rules!!! (which is how he ends every conversation that he has)".

Well, I followed the directions and got there with no problems! Go figure. Had he used the street signs I might have gotten lost, as the "left at the ostrich" street and the next street are both called the 235 and run parallel to eachother for a great distance.

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April 23, 2004

Okinawan Sign Language

I usually find signs that I like when I travel to foreign places, especially if the populace has a less than perfect command of English. I'm sure that the locals were wondering why I was taking picures of the mundane icons that are filtered out of their focus. My choice of subjects to photograph most likely flagged me as a tourist, to the locals who were trying to get me to purchase their assorted omiyage. Okinawans are a true breed of hustlers, and it was painful watching my companions getting fleeced. But that's the topic of a separtate post.

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This picture is of a dental clinic in Okinawa. A couple of thoughts popped into my mind when I first saw this, such as:
"No way!", "Ouch!", "Has to be two different sets of teeth!", "I wonder if the same set of pictures accompanied by English appears in England?", and "That dentist must be a friggin' god/butcher!".

I have seen some pretty bad teeth in Japan, but many people are now wearing braces and taking better care of their teeth than before. This picture makes me cringe when I think of the pain that the patient had to endure. How many cc's of lidocaine was injected into that gaping maw?

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This next picture is the Japanese equivalent of the French Metro Bunny. On a side note, I feel responsible for contributing to the widescale spread of American tourists stealing those stickers. In 97, after returning home and showing a friend the mementos of my trip, he thought it was such a cool sticker that he did it, and everyone else who went to study abroad with Orange Coast College that year followed suit. It became a tradition, and soon there was a shortage of stickers on the metro (and a sharp increase of people getting their hands caught in the doors, I like to imagine). So this time, instead of stealing a physical copy, I captured one on my camera.

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If I had a problem with my ears, nose, or throat, this is the doctor I would want to go to. For some reason, these images evoke a feeling of trust for this doctor, even though I have never met him.

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This last sign was taken in the domestic terminal of the Okinawa Airport. I understand the need for explicit directions, but this goes a bit further than necessary. I mean, did someone try to argue "but officer, I didn't know that it was wrong to stash my guns and drugs on top of my bag filled with decomposing decapitated heads that I was using to feed my pet weasels. Oh and don't worry, the pipe bombs aren't really dangerous because I didn't insert the fuses yet. You know, someone should really put up a sign to make it clear just what exactly IS acceptable to keep in these lockers! They didn't seem to mind up in Kansai."?

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March 20, 2004

English Engrish

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I saw this and I pictured James Bond looking at the Man with the Golden Gun as he says "Bond, I'm gonna bust a cap in yo' ass, Cracka! Any last words?", with the Golden Barrel pointed steadily in the middle of Bond's head. Bond chews on some grape flavored Bubblicious, blows a huge bubble, pops it, and repeats. The Man, in an uncharacteristic display of emotion, shows his anger and disgust by hastily cocking the Golden Hammer. With a smile on his face, Bond spits the gum out into his thumb and forefinger, and sticks the purple wad into the glinting barrel. The man is so completely and utterly shocked that he merely stares while this is happening, with his jaw dropped in disbelief that the Golden Gun could be violated in such a casual and sacreligious manner.

As you can see, these words on a simple can of "gum" put a really bizarre picture into my head, and it its not even a Japanese product. Holt's is a British company. Ah, those crazy Brits! To us Americans, "Lorry" is a girl's name , a boot is something that a cowboy wears instead of a shoe, and "I'm dying to smoke a fag!" has an entirely different meaning. Also, for the record, a windshield is the window that shields the occupants of a vehicle from the wind. If it was a real windscreen (a screen, such as is used to keep insects from passing through an open window), it would allow the wind and rain and anything small enough to pass through the small holes to smack everyone in the face. While this screen would filter out most insects, the momentum of their impact would pulverize and scatter their dismembered body parts all over everyone.

So back to the picture at the top; what is this product from the U.K.?

The Answer.
Hint: it is not what James Bond uses to patch up the silencer on his Walther P.P.K. after he uses it to deflect a laser beam.

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March 4, 2004

Your New Favorite Character

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Dude, you know this shit is dope! Pooper has a one man show, and you couldn't look away even if you wanted to. I think that the word "poop" is not used enough in the right context. "Pooper scooper" just sounds lame, but when a little guy named "Pooper" is cheerfully flippin' the bird while getting a piggyback ride (from a bigger Pooper) it not only makes sense- it was Destiny.

On a side note, look at how baby Pooper has his head turned way over to the left, while he is extending his backhand way out to the right. If you try to do this, you will notice how hard it is to adequately present the middle finger clearly without straining. Clearly, the kid is talented.
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Look at how this picture is framed. Widescreen, just like a movie. Brings Resevoir Dogs to mind for some reason. Notice that although the Pooper who is about to be executed is keeping his cool, and the bead of sweat rolling down his "Simpson yellow" forehead is the only indication of his true mental state. Or maybe Poopers are always happy no matter what, and under their omnipresent state of happiness are other layers of emotion. Maybe its just a hot day. Even though one of them is about to execute the other they both look like they are having a good time, and isn't that what its really all about?

Pooper looks like Qoo, but Pooper is a bad muthafucka (thanks to C. B.'s Hasty Musings) and Qoo is merely the mascot of a tasty line of beverages in Japan. Other pictures include a WWF/Mad Max king of the ring where they are all Mortal Kombatting eachother, Pooper taking a poop, Pooperette letting out a noxious fart cloud, and many more with Pooper giving the finger. The act of giving the finger, much like the act of exacting revenge, is best done with a smile on one's face. It makes the experience that much more satisfying, and adds insult to injury.

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March 1, 2004

Come Again?

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This sign lacks the standard misspelled words and strange grammar, but somehow it is still distinctly Japanese


Oh, how I was dying to go into this ramen-ya and mime my way through every interaction with anyone in my sphere of influence. I remember finding this same sign 4 years prior when on an epic roadtrip with Justin, Taro, and Sayaka, except this time we (Natchan and Pitia, visiting from Nara) decided to eat here. The tonkotsu was dissapointing- the broth had no soul, the noodles were limp, and the pork was too fatty. This was the type of ramen that you wouldn't even feel like making slurping noises with, because it just wouldn't seem fitting to draw any attention it.

Beppu, as a place, is kind of a dissapointment for me. They have no great specialty foods like Kumamoto and aside from the jigokus (hot springs, litteral translation is "hell" supposedly because the steaming strange colored pools matched descriptions of the hells depicted in Buddhist scriptures), onsens, and the sex museum (worth a visit to see Snow White and the 7 Dwarves: the XXX version) there are few places of interest. Despite this, I have had a great time here on both times I have visited, but this was due to the company rather than the setting, as is usually the case.

We had a good time visiting Yufuin, taking pictures, resting in the sand baths, eating sushi from the conveyor belt (stay away from the sea centipede, nato/quail egg combo, and the yellow egg sushi- trust me on this), and finding places of interest in and around Beppu.

If you are planning to come to Kyushu one day, let me give you some advice: There are many more interesting and worthwhile places for to spend your time and money instead of Beppu. Most people come either to see the jigokus or to visit the onsens. I admit, the Jigokus are kind of interesting, but I don't see how anyone can burn a whole day looking at boiling hot pools of interestingly colored mineral water, and the cheesy, poorly maintained decorations that seem to detract rather than complement them. Their onsens aren't bad, but Kurokawa is still my favorite place to soak in the hot mineral water while listening to the wind blow through the leaves and the gentle roar of the river below.

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February 25, 2004

Putz Master

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This is a close up of a concrete pump in Shanghai, in front of a new gargantuan shopping mall under construction along the Bund. I had never seen a Putzmeister until then, and so I assumed that Putzmeister was a Chinese company that made cheaper versions of Caterpillar equipment.

"Putzmeister is considered world-wide as the pioneer for equipment plant and systems for concrete, mortar and high-density solid pumps", but the one thing that sticks out to me about this German company is its name. I know nothing about German except that:

"Jager" = "Hunter" and
"Meister" = "Master",
therefore, "Jagermeister" = "Master Hunter".
In this vein "Putzmeister" means "Master Putz".

I am guessing that "putz" is an onomatopoeic word, roughly equivalent to "putt" as in the sound that a running engine makes. If this pump does belch out the greatest of the putts, it must sound like all of the Titans letting out trouser-ripping farts in quick succession. I'm just trying to say that I think that Putzmeister has a nice ring to it, in a German-ish sort of way.

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February 10, 2004

Behold... A Five-Assed Monkey!

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Today was the day of the brand spankin' new Ubuyama Hoikuen's Rakusaishiki (Opening Ceremony). There were no good photo ops, but I will eventually take and post pictures of this great new pre-school which will merge Ubuyama, Nambu, and Hokubu into one big ball of energy. Kids will be put into giant hamster wheels, with a piece of candy hanging just out of reach, and power output is expected to exceed that of the Ubuyama fusha (the windmill, which is right next to the hoikuen) by a factor of 3.

Anyhow, after the ceremony, I went for a short drive up to Mt. Kuju and snapped a shot of this sign that I'd seen a year earlier. So what do they do here? Is it a boneless chicken farm, like that Far Side cartoon, or is a Saruman-like mad professor crossbreeding humans with cows as the lowest sign would indicate. The top sign leads me to believe that these man-cows(oh, wait- there's a precedent, right? I believe they are called Minotaurs) are giant, and so a road of sufficient girth was constructed to maximize their rate of mobilization. A future trip to this evil facility is definetely called for, but not without a BFG or some other suitable form of protection.

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January 27, 2004

Gaijin Jelly Donut

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Koreans don't take no sh*t from smartass foreigners.

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January 18, 2004

American Engrish

Damn, this picture is so great, I was tempted to cut and post it here, but I will resist my online klepto temptations. The site's worth exploring with gems like "Chinese Hut".

I had no idea that there were Mister Donut franchises in the states (who in their right mind would eat at Mister Donut when there are awesome places like Adam's Avenue Donuts, Yong's Donuts, Krispy Kreme, and all of the other Korean- uh, ahem, I guess I have been out of the loop for a while... make that Cambodian owned and operated donut shops that make GOOD donuts). Master Donut, heh. I know that in the Deathmatch Arena, Master Donut would undoubtedly kick Mister's Donuts, and then cannibalize his bretheren, while uttering "Now I am the Master".

On a related note, I heard a rumor that there is a Mos Burger located somewhere around Mater Dei High School in Orange County. I have also heard that one exists in Hawaii. Are there any Mos Burgers in the states? And I heard that they have Circle Ks and 7-11s over there too! What, what? Those stores didn't originate in Japan?

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December 15, 2003

Hmmm... Beer? Sake? No, I've got it! How about some...

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Mmmmm, it does go well with the chicken!
Delicious again Peter.

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November 19, 2003

FUKUTOKU

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November 18, 2003

The Oracle of Starbucks

As far as I can tell this Oracle is 100 percent accurate.

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October 29, 2003

What Beer Best Complements A Fat Slice Of Beeg?

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China actually had good beer! Tiger, Tsingtao, and even some microbrews to boot! This .5 litre bottle cost something like 60 cents. However, drinks in the clubs and bars had prices comparable to those in Japan.

I wish I had more time in Shanghai. One full day and two days of travel to and from there were just not enough (we did have two full nights, though).

Things that didn't surprise me about Shanghai:
It's dirty. Most places smell like piss, that rotting essence of real Asian Markets and Chinatown, and cigarettes. Everyone hawks monster loogies and spit them out all over the place. At the end of the day I got black boogers of monster proportions.
McDonalds and KFCs were as abundant as in every other foreign country I have visited.
Many people spoke English, but appreciated the effort I went through to speak the little (read: aside from food, I know four words) Chinese that I could. It was like France in this respect, except the Chinese were forgiving if I spoke English.
There were many poor people begging on the street. It is so hard to ignore someone in distress, especially if they take their kids with them, and especially if those kids have congenital defects. Gives whole new meaning to the cliche "there are children starving in China, so eat your f**king broccoli muthafucka".
The Chinese merchants are ruthless and cunning when it comes to maximizing profit. I talked down a "legitimate" DVD set from 600 yuan to 100 (about 12 bucks), and I knew I was paying a little too much. Still, it does LOOK legit, and it cost very little. These people will physically detain you to keep you in their shop, and they are excellent actors.

Surprising things about Shanghai:
Chinese people think that I am Chinese, and they expect me to speak Chinese like a Chinese person.
It was hard to find good Chinese food, and easy to find good foreign foods.
I didn't hear anyone say "gweilo" and point as we passed (I understand why they didn't when I alone passed).
I ran into a lot of very nice Chinese people. I was expecting everyone to be rude, pushy, and loud but this turned out to be kinda wrong.
There were very few foreigners in China. Most that I saw during the day were between the ages of 50 to 70 and had European accents.
The city is HUGE, and there are more sky scrapers in one city than I ever imagined. And they continue being built at an astonishing rate.
The MagLev train is already complete. The bullet train is officially obsolete.
100% of the taxis and about 80 percent of the cars on the road are VWs. I was expecting Japanese cars, DaeWoos, or Hyundais to be crowding the streets, but this was not the case. VW is definetely making bank in Shanghai.
The smog is worse than LA. If breathing in LA for one day is equivilent to smoking a pack of cigs, then I smoked about four packs in Shanghai for the 48 hours I was there.

One day in Shanghai was a great time. Even though the time I had was way too short, I sort of prefer trips that I feel are too short. It means that I had a great time and wasn't dissapointed, tired out, disillusioned, or fed up. Sometimes not enough is better than too much.

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September 11, 2003

What Does This Mean???

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