Why stop when I'm on a roll?

Meet Dudley Hiibel. He's a 59 year old cowboy who owns a small ranch outside of Winnemucca, Nevada. He lives a simple life, but he's his own man. You probably never would have heard of Dudley Hiibel if it weren't for his belief in the U.S. Constitution.

One balmy May evening back in 2000, Dudley was standing around minding his own business when all of a sudden, a policeman pulled-up and demanded that Dudley produce his ID. Dudley, having done nothing wrong, declined. He was arrested and charged with "failure to cooperate" for refusing to show ID on demand. And it's all on video.

On the 22nd of March 2004, the U.S. Supreme Court will decide whether Dudley and the rest of us live in a free society, or in a country where we must show "the papers" whenever a cop demands them.

Eeeenteresting, no? I haven't read it all yet. Go see for yourself, I'm busy working:
http://papersplease.org/hiibel/

ALSO:
Beware of Big Brother's spies - they're everywhere!

Now that I have a legion of troopers aspiring to find the One True Way for their site design, I present a Scroll of Knowledge:
http://csszengarden.com

Hurry up and click already.

//

For the troops on furlough, I present the best and most addictive free game site in all of Japan. I'm talking original MMPORG (if you now what that abbreviation means, you are a fucking nerd. like me.), card games like poker and hanafuda, mah-jong, pachinko, etc. etc. etc.:
HANGAME Japan

I think the parent company is one of the biggie Korean portal sites like Daum. John and his wife got me hooked on Korean hanafuda (called "Go Stop") last year on Daum, but I couldn't play because in order to sign up, you pretty much must emit kimchi stench from your pores and hate American GIs (even though they are the only reason that crazy Kim motherfucker and his starving hordes aren't gnawing off your arms after a massive artillery barrage). I guess what I'm trying to say is, you need a Korean citizen's ID# to sign up for that shit and I don't have one and can't be bothered to research faking one. So I looked around for approximately 1.4672 hours and although I found many free hanafuda games online, they all suxx0r3d compared to the Daum Go Stop game.

Then I found the Japanese HANGAME site. It rocks. I played more hanafuda this week than CS. Oh. My. God. Don't worry, I'll make up for it tonight. Gotta try out those newly powered-up Beretta Elites that Steam made it a point to tweak.

If you read this whole post and understood every reference that was made, you are a pathetic game-otaku webhead geek. Join my HANGAME group after signup. My handles are "cyberdogma" and "cosmicbuddha". Very original, I know. STFU.

Oh, if you care to learn about hanafuda, look at this pathetic nerd's site:
sloperama.com

That is all for today. I have been pretending to be working on the new export regulation checklist since this morning and I need a break before I turn in some half-ass initial draft. It's only hours before I will go home, yell "wooo, it's Fridaaaaay!" at the cats that are sitting on my street, unlock my door, sit on the sofa, then wonder how the hell I slept so long when I wake up 48 hours later.

Wow. I just wrote the PERFECT POST here and lost it when I accidentally closed the browser window. Hooray for me!

No, I will not attempt to recreate it. That would be like trying to top my harshest drinking record (16 Spirytus shots) - maybe possible, but not without great suffering.

Speaking of Spirytus, I just found out from the distributor's site that the shit isn't really meant for drinking as-is (as if we didn't know before):

Poland is a big, world producer of spirit obtained by the fermentation of grain or potatoes. The purification of the spirit is made by rectification in modern automated plants. Spirit obtained in this way is of an ideal purity; it is natural and serves as the basis of Polish vodka, world famous for their high quality. It is sought by consumers in order to make home made infusions of fruits and for healing purposes.

Me and Bill should be veritable doctors by now judging from all the "healing" we've practiced over the years.

Although the site lists the existence of a sissy brother (151 proof), I've only ever seen the real deal - 96% alcohol, baby. Why the fuck would they want to copy Ronrico with that half-percentage point 151 proof figure anyway? For those in the know, there can be no substitute. Spirytus separates the men from the boys, everytime.

A truck garage near my company. I like watching the mechanics stripping down cabs when I'm waiting at a red light in front of the garage.

The most inspiring sunset this year was the one I observed from the roof of my relatives' Tenrikyo church in Asuka Mura. I hope we can have a BBQ there on the roof during the summer.

I liked Sting in Quadrophenia. He fit the role rather well, I think. It's interesting to think that if the Mods and Rockers could find a common ground living in the current day it would probably be their disdain for Honda knockoffs.

If you drive down route 169 from Nara toward the city of Sakurai you will see a huge black "o-tori" that stands at the entrance of a parking area for Miwa shrine (Miwa-jinja or Miwa-myojin in Japanese). This is the largest o-tori in Japan and the jinja is located at the base of a mountain. There is an ancient cedar tree there that a white snake (actually a reincarnation of the myojin) is reincarnated in. But you might not find many references to it on the web because the animistic details of the shrine might not have been written about much in English. And the history of this shrine, one of the oldest, is sometimes debated because of the different branches of shinto (and varying beliefs) that have appeared since then.

This is a wired remote controller for my Sony head unit installed in one of Silvia's 2-DIN slots. I specifically bought this toy because it had been around for at least 10 years and I thought it would be dropped in favor of a new model. Bingo! I was right and the new ones are wireless, though less 80's-looking and hence worthless in my opinion. I think I may be one of three people in the universe who can change the settings for the subwoofer output's high pass filter one-handed in the dark without looking at the display. Now somebody give me A GODDAMN COOKIE.

My Silvia still runs smooth after 150,000 kilos. That's quite a distance for a four-banger, and is a testament to the design of the SR-20DE engine. The engine is chain driven and my mechanic tells me he sees them pass the 200k mark in other cars (Nissan Primera, etc.). The thing is, I'm not just puttin' around all the time. I put serious (but loving) strain on that car and she comes through every time. So I reciprocate by keeping her pretty. This, in fact, is cause for ribbing from my buddies (when they see me bust out the tire wax) and also causes Nam to get quite angry (note I specifically did not say jealous).

This is the view toward Dotonbori bridge from Sakai-suji. Came out rather poorly but I think it does this area justice, really.

Your gateway to kogals, runaways, and other things your mom wouldn't be proud of, except that this is Dotombori and everybody else's shit stinks as well. kogals

Right now I'm sipping lemon chu-hi at Bill's Bar and going through my photos from the Thai dance exhibition Nam participated in last week. Pictured here is a Japanese girl who is quite skilled and actually teaches others classical Thai dance. The dance group is comprised of both Japanese and Thai girls, and they perform all around Japan.

I am waiting for the new Nikon D70 DSLR to be released and push down the price of the Canon Digital Rebel so I can buy a digicam that works better in low-light situations than my Coolpix 4500. I love the 4500 but it sucks for night/low-light pics. The Canon apparently does quite well. Hell, if the D70 looks good I might eventually go for that... I don't know if I can wait for the next generation cameras to come out. After all, the waiting game tends to get tedious for me and with each product cycle my patience wears a bit thinner.

I like photography a lot, but I often wonder if I should spend more time on technique. I think I could really get into it but I worry that it would affect the fun I have now. It's rewarding to be in the middle of learning the basics and still produce results I'm satisfied with, say once every 200 shots or so. Digital cameras are so liberating for me. I erase at least half of the photos I take before they ever leave the camera, and I don't think anything of it. If I were using film, I know I wouldn't take a lot of the shots I experiment with now because of cost.

Why is this so important to me at 3AM? Everyone else here in the bar is wasted or borderline comatose... Time to go now that the police running the sobriety checkpoints have packed up for the night.

At the request of a certain hominid (and I suspect a fellow chowhound), I present borrowed gyudon pics.

Here we have the gyudon (center), miso soup (right), pickled cabbage (left), and a cup of hot green tea in the blue cup. This is a set meal that was available at Yoshinoya stores in Japan for about 600 yen until the American cows went apeshit or whatever. Basically the only thing missing from this photo is the raw egg. Not very photogenic, I guess.

First of all, whoever took this photo has to work on their color management because the red ginger looks like shredded carrots. Shame, shame. Please take better photos for me to borrow next time! Ah, well, at least your heart is in the right place... I never even thought of taking pictures at Yoshinoya because I was too busy stuffing my face. This photo was taken at a Yoshinoya in the US. Even without the telltale English text on the placemat and napkin, you can tell by the styrofoam bowl which is used even for "for here" orders in the states. Not as elegant as the Japanese bowls, but somewhat comforting in its assumed sterility. American portions are larger than their Japanese counterparts of course. Also, from the beginning, the American stores have featured a Chicken Teriyaki Bowl and Combo Bowls with oth chicken and beef, items that the Japanese stores still do not feature to this day.

It's past midnight, and my stomach is rumbling from remembering this stuff.

Taro told me, about 8 years ago, that this is a rarely seen license plate, in Kansai, at least. Tatsuya disagreed. I take the middle road and comment only that I see it more often than Okinawa plates.

I have been depressed since this weekend when Nam and I walked past a Yoshinoya (ex-purveyor of gyudon, or "beef bowls") and saw:
A. A notice on the door informing people that gyudon was no longer being served
B. A gaudy yellow banner proclaiming their new product: Karedon (curry bowl)
C. Not a single goddamn customer sitting at the counters, even though it was lunchtime

This particular branch was in Nara but I saw three more on the way and in Osaka later, that were suffering the same fate. I wonder if Yoshinoya will get on the butadon (pork bowl) bandwagon or not. Then again, who cares? I miss my gyudon, even if I'm not eating rice right now. I guess the next best thing to eating it would be to relive eating it, so without further ado, I present:

Cosmic Buddha's Ten Steps to Nirvana (AKA The One True Way to eat Yoshinoya gyudon):
1. Order a "nami" (regular size). The reason for this is the perfect topping:rice ratio that is not shared with the larger-sized orders. It is also the best value, something I know is very important to students.
2. Order a nama tamago (raw egg). This will likely be brought out before the gyudon, so get it ready. Add some shichimi togarashi (crushed red chili flakes) and shoyu (soy sauce) into the bowl that the egg is served in, then mix for approximately 10 seconds with chopsticks.
3. When the gyudon comes out, dump some beni shoga (red ginger condiment) toward the edge of the bowl.
4. With your chopsticks, make a conical depression in the center of the mounded topping all the way down to the rice.
5. Pour the prepared egg mixture in the depression. Wait 5-10 seconds to allow some absorption into the rice layer.
6. Raise the steaming bowl of beefy goodness to your lips and shovel as much into your maw as humanly possible.
7. Repeat step 5.
Note: If you are an Asian (or in my case, Asian-looking) man, making loud lip-smacking sounds is both encouraged and expected within this context. But then again, if you had to be told that, you probably won't be comfortable doing it anyway.
8. Slurp down some tea.
9. Repeat steps 5 though 8 until finished with your meal.
10. Make the obligatory Groan and Sigh of Contentment, and if you are over the age of 35, pick your teeth openly and with complete disregard to other customers.

This is the first photo I have ever posted to this blog that was not taken with my phone. Merin sent me this one. She spotted it when the girls went shopping after our nice luinch at Chedi Luang. The venue? Namba Parks, of course. Merin's phone is equipped with a camera that treads with muddy boots all over my once very modern Hitachi phone. The time for an upgrade has come. I can smell it in the air. Next month, I think. My incentive for waiting, of course, is the spring lineup from AU that will surely feature a model that can keep me happy for another long, long year. Hell, in another year cellphones will eliminate a few more product categories if all follows the inevitable path to consolidation. I predict that cellphones will be marketed to replace IC recorders, lightweight mpeg video cameras, and universal remotes. The technology is already most of the way there and the manufacturers are definitely weighing customer demand for these features against higher price.

Chedi Luang is a new Thai restaurant in Kita Horie that we visited (We: Me, Bill, Nam, Merin, and Nam's kohai Dao) on the weekend. Good food and interesting presentation. We ate more than our fill of curries, fish/meat dishes, and more exotic fare. It broke down to about 2,500 yen per person ordering a la carte, which I declare a damn good deal for Japan. The girl who runs it danced with Nam at the event in Mihara a couple weeks ago. She also works part time as a masseuse (masseusesse?) and I have no idea why I am writing about that. Go. Eat. Make like a Thai and be happy!

Another brain teaser at Namba Parks. The place just gets more and more intriguing as I explore deeper with each visit, and it's turning out to be a virtual goldmine for Engrish on signs and whatnot.

Sample products strewn around Taro's van.

The links that can be found by ego-Googling are sometimes surprising. I hunted down the site of another Justin Yoshida last month! I left a message in his guestbook, but haven't gotten word back yet. What do you know? He plays CS, just like me. Heh.

This guy must actually be me, from an alternate universe or something. Maybe the metaphysic membrane between our realities was temporarily ripped and he somehow fell through. It should be interesting if we hook up sometime - he apparently lives in Hawaii so it's conceivable I might make the effort someday. If he's not hiding from me, that is. I can be weird sometimes, maybe he thinks I'm a maniac or something. Come to think of it, the thought of another Justin Yoshida is kind of scary. What if he goes aggro and kills a bunch of people or something? It might reflect poorly on me, you know. Twenty years from now when I'm introducing myself to people they might say, "Yoshida... Aren't you the guy who blew up a tour bus full of Chinese tourists and sold their remains as humuhumunukunukuapuaa pudding at Hanauma Bay?"

Wow. Got lost in dreamland there for a second. Anyway. ego-Googling results. Right. Dozo:

Yoshida Records
Some featured artists: ADELE LIPUMA, SIW MALMKVIST, ZZAJ (this last one is a springoff of ZWAN, I suspect)

Yoshida Auto
These native Osakans will ship cars to Ireland, Mauritus, and Chile for you.

Nami Yoshida, Illustrator
Her first picture book is on sale.

The manager for the packaging design department came to me with a blank procurement form last year and said, "Fill these out. We need a new Mac; you have 1,000,000 yen to spend on it." My mind was instantly filled with images of a dual processor G5, Apple Cinema display, striped and mirrored SCSI backup system, Firewire-powered cappuccino maker, etc., you know, The Perfect System. I almost cried. (I say "almost" because this would have been a dream in my Mac maven phase, say five or six years ago.)

Well, I came even closer to crying today when I saw how this new girl, the Designated Mac Operator in the design room was using the Perfect System. She had the 23" Apple Cinema HD Display (max. resolution 1,920 x 1,200) at the lowest resolution possible, 800 x 500 while laying out pages in PageMaker. I couldn't believe my eyes even though I watched her 1337 operating skillz for a good 5 minutes over her shoulder. The only possible analogy I can come up with would be sitting two feet from a movie screen; as in TOO CLOSE to a good thing. My man, the folders on the desktop (to mix metaphors) were the size of matchbooks. I later found out that she lowers the resolution instead of using zoom tools in the DTP programs. Amazing.

If you're gonna do it, do it right:
Big delays as bullet trains hit same man

The headline is misleading because it wasn't just bullet trains (going in opposite directions no less), homebiscuit managed to get hit by THREE trains. Damn!

Nissan Laurel in my company's parking lot with a homemade rear wing. I could see the bolts holding it on the trunk. As a side note, the Nissan Laurel was popular in its heyday because it was relatively cheap sedan/coupe but it sported the same 6-cylinder engine as the Skyline. A lot of punk-ass motherfuckers and wannabe yaks still ride around in this car.

Found an article from last month that hit close to home:
Competition stiffens to work oneself to death

Let Salaryman tell you something about dedication: Too much can kill, and blind dedication is either for the young, or for well-paid upper management. Even in these two cases, there is only so much you can accomplish before you break down.

With that in mind, keep it real and work your ass off. By playing your cards right, your investment of time and life energy will eventually be returned in the form of work experience and maybe a nice watch (standard-issue salaryman bling-bling).

Ulcers. Yes, it seems everybody has them around here. Like everyone else, I have a horror story. Two years ago, my senior partner on a prototyping project sat up quite suddenly in his seat and handed me a stack of documents. His eyes were bulging as he bent over and proceeded to noisily vomit blood into the wastebasket. Then he slumped over in his chair and the girls in the room started screaming. When the departmental manager left the room to find the nurse on call, homeboy opened his eyes, pointed to the aforementioned stack of papers, and said "tanomu wa" (Get it done.).

Now, this guy is a legend. He is the most dedicatedist motherfucker I have ever met, and a pain in the ass to work for because of his scrupulousness - he put the "ei" in "einaru", if you know what I mean. And he ended up spewing entrail juice. Coincidence? Hardly. So that is the moral of this story - the most dedicated person in the office always ends up vomiting blood.

The End

Lying on my desk is a document entitled:
Lohms vs. Orifice Size

I don't know who put it there, but apparently I get to make a presentation on it later this morning. in Japanese! Yay!

Welcome to the modern state of technical translation, where a total ignoramus like myself can hop on the Al Gore Expressway and become an expert on any specialized subject matter in a matter of seconds - and before you ask, no, a Lohm is not a penis (but an orifice is, well, an orifice). A Lohm is a Liquid ohm - get it? Ohms are units used to express electrical resistance, so morphazenilinguistically speaking, Lohms are the units used for liquid resistance. This unit of measure, when pronounced by my Japanese colleagues, sounds like "Rohm", which is an electronics component maker based in Kyoto. (Sorry if you thought I was going to continue in the vein of fluid dynamics; the best I can do for you there is to promise a future update about writing my name in the snow.)

I wrote a slogan for Rohm's public relations department when I first started my career as a non-gaijin-looking gaijin in a translation company years ago. It didn't seem like a special job or anything, they just needed a catch line for a "small advertising effort" in English and they faxed over some sentences in Japanese to base it on (BTW they had a G4 fax machine that seemed super fast compared to standard G3 fax machines but often suffered from mysterious transmission failures.). I ended up creating three or four different variations for them to choose between and thought little of what would become of it thereafter. Turns out they ended up using it in their radio and television commercials, which were aired quite frequently on national television. It was also used on company brochures, posters, etc., and somewhat less gloriously, on the back covers of obscure trade magazines with names like "Precision Mounted Chip Design" and "Capacitors Weekly." I admit, I was proud whenever I saw my words out in the real world. (I feel free to talk about it now because they are no longer using it on their website and the posters in the subway stations are long gone. Also, regardless of what I post below, I think it was a great ad campaign and hope it was a success for Rohm.) In a way, I felt silly on the importance being placed on a simple phrase I thought up at the spur of the moment. Then again, simplicity is often the best option, and it was gratifying to see my words in print and pixel broadcast to millions. Millions and millions of potential clients who might make a decision based on seeds planted in their heads by effective advertising. And if it sounds like it started getting to my head, that's because it did at the peak of the ad campaign.

Sometimes the commercials would come on when I was watching TV with other people (sometimes clients) and it was a turbo-nitro ego boost when the leggy models in the ads paraded around futuristic space-and-satellite backdrops with my words flowing out of their mouths. People I was with would usually give me props and I would just bask in the glory as everyone came to the realization that, in a way, these girls were actually my mindslaves. Through the looking glass of manga/Kubrickian reality where my reasoning takes vacations after steady consumption of alcohol, the mindslaves on the screen seemed completely powerless to resist. They returned to the screen at regular intervals to convey my thoughts. They awaited further orders. They waited for anything, some kind of sign or command. There they remain to this day. Faithfully waiting.

Wanting!

Needing!

OK, so maybe it got to my head a little bit more than I care to admit, but it was still kinda cool for a salaryman who was just starting out and trying to make his mark on the world. Especially when the cute models were replaced by a fly. Not just any fly. The Fly. According to this Japanese fan site, Rohm chose Jeff Goldblum because his role as a scientist in the movie Jurassic Park (released in Japan shortly after the commercials started airing) perfectly fit the image of the company's high tech products (and also because he was new to Japandering). As a famous actor later to be known for 13375ki11s with a Powerbook, and used to dealing with the mind games and manipulation that is show biz, would he be impervious to my powers? Heh.

Wanting!

Needing!

I get all sentimental thinking about the Citroens we had. I had a BX and Taro had an AX. The funny thing is that Taro got them both for free, the BX from a professor at Tenri university and the AX from an OBGYN who worked at the hospital his mom stayed at when she got sick. That BX was a tempermental French piece of shit, but it had the smoothest ride because of the hydraulic system, which also allowed me to slam the car to the ground when it was parked and prevented donut-eaters from placing a boot on my tire more than once. I broke the tranny on my BX by fucking around in the mountains and slam-shifting. We later found out that the ATF had never been changed (for 60,000 kilos over 8 years). It was like black mud. Taro crashed the AX and caused a three car collision on his way to see a girl in Nagoya. He had been fucking aroung changing CDs and didn't notice cars stopping on the highway in front of him. A sad sidenote of what was never meant to be is that he never told the girl he was going to see her because he wanted it to be a surprise, and he lost all interest in seeing her in the aftermath of the crash. Also, he "fucking hates" Nagoya now (before, he only "hated" it).

This is a warning that I will be archiving posts that I liked on my old blog on this one because I want that tingling feeling on my scalp from feeding the monster that is RSS. Don't worry, I will recycle in a responsible manner so as not to disturb the natural surroundings. I'll just filter out all the hate and venom from the posts, and then maybe I'll screw a tree just to show you that I really do care about baby seals.

Every so often, I hear of people jumping off the Awaji bridge. Most recently, it was a police officer. It would never really occur to me to go out that way, simply because it seems stupid to me to die by jumping into water, unless you don't mind drowning if the fall doesn't kill you. In that sense, the Awaji Straits would be a good place to drown if you didn't want your body to be found, cause they are DEEP... You would end up as octopus bait or something. It always strikes me as funny when people say that when jumping from a great height, hitting the water is the same as hitting concrete. I tend to doubt this statement and would ask those people if they would rather land in water or on concrete from any given height, assuming they wanted to live. I would choose water any day. Of course, if you jump from the Awaji Bridge, there's a pretty good chance you'll land on the deck of a supertanker or car transport, seeing as it's one of the busiest shipping lanes in the world... Then again, you might land in the swimming pool of a cruise ship, so I guess it evens out.

My site was down for a week due to a corrupted table in the MySQL database that holds the data for my MT installation. But if this entry posts, all is good.