1. The most popular western band in Thailand is the Eagles
a. I have heard Hotel California more times in one week in Thailand than I did growing up in Southern California in the late 70s/80s
b. Thais singing Life in the Fast Lane at karaoke are no better at it than Japanese singing Country Road
c. Or, for that matter, Americans singing karaoke at all

2. The most popular band among Thai taxi drivers is Carabao
a. There is also an energy drink of the same name sold everywhere, one with a green label and a brown one marked XO
b. The one marked XO tastes like frog penis
c. Or at least what I imagine frog penis tastes like, you fags

3. Currently, the most overplayed music in the Chattuchak market stalls is Punjabi MC
a. Second is Linkin Park/Jay Z (Collision Course)
b. The only thing more annoying than overplayed Punjabi MC is the unmistakeable stench of shit that permeates certain areas of the market
c. Luckily, those areas do not include the deep fried pig stalls, which make the best deep fried pig in all of Thailand in my humble opinion

4. The violinist in the lounge of the the Fortune Hotel in Ratchada is tone deaf
a. Or maybe just never learned how to tune his shit
b. Or maybe just avant garde
c. Or maybe just hates his job and is fucking with everyone

5. Thai rap is fucking awesome
a. Now all they need is a Thai Flava Flav
b. With his clock set to "Thai time" (15 to 45 minutes late, depending on mood)
c. I saw a hooker who looked just like Terminator X walking down the street in a dress and high heels

This is the best movie I've seen in a long, long time. Although this is partially because all other movies I've seen the past year or so sucked, it really was a damn good movie. Anthony Hopkins is the man. Simple story, simple plot, simple dialogue, flawless acting, no bad guy, no glamtastic CG, excellent cinematography, and just enough racing/greasemonkey scenes (like watching Hopkins cast his own pistons).

Just a hunch, but I think gearheads like Gen and Gaijin Biker would especially get off on this movie if they knew that the bikes filmed on the Bonneville flats were Ducatis (not to dis the featured Indians or Triumphs, though).

When we first heard of Kaki King, we had only one thought, what a strange name. However, that seems kind of superficial after you hear her play. (The video takes a while to load so you might want to pause it once and let it load all the way before viewing, so you can see it without it stopping partway through.)

We are big fans of her playing style, and yes, before you ask, T has tried playing along to this clip. It was pretty funny to watch: He's convinced either the lip piercing or breasts give her an unfair advantage.

Her site is pretty cool, too: kakiking.com

This is a very, very interesting diagram: Corporate Ownership of Organic Food Companies

Something to think about the next time you go shopping at Earth Foods for organic soybean carab tofutti w/vitamin C-enriched daikon sprout topping.

Corporate ownership of organic food isn't necessarily bad in my mind, it's just funny that, say, Crispy Sugar Bombs and Rutabagels have common roots.

So the latest trend in comment/trackback spam is furniture. Ceiling fans, wood flooring, wood cabinets, etc. May I just point out the fact that this is retarded.

In addition, the very latest spam was about "oral herpes genital pictures." Now that is some sick shit.

In a perfect world, spammers are Tokyo and I am Godzilla.

Last night I watched a documentary on Flight 93, one I hadn't seen before. Every time I see photos or footage from 9/11, it still makes me tear up a bit...

Right after it finished, I watched the new episode in the great adventures of Jack Bauer. And suddenly, I understood why I've liked the show from the first episode I ever watched.

There are some seriously evil fuckers in this world who just need killing. And I wish someone would hurry and send Jack after them.

wow.

(Kim sez, "Click to see full size, comrade!")

Omigod that's some funny shit.

(thx han)

Some of my colleagues are on a company ski trip to Hokkaido. I guess it's an allowed day off on this fine Monday, because they keep bombarding my keitai with pics of white slopes and messages like, "having fun?," and, "gambatte kudasai!"

Bastards.

G-man, at least, is for some reason being nice and sending non-ski related Engrish-esque findings up in Hokkaido, so I thought I'd post them here:

Um, I guess if you make them, they will come.

There's a bestiality joke in there somewhere.

Meanwhile, to all of you bastards skiing today: God Will Punish You! A pox on you! A thousand years of morning exercises and pointless safety certification meetings await!

(via J-Walk)

One of the berms they built on the river yesterday partially collapsed, leaving a tracked crane stranded out on the water. I was driving by and saw as it happened. Now I have seen a lot of things swallowed by the river - houses, rice fields, even a brand new 350z, but a crane? That would be something new.

But the owner of the crane wasn't ready to give up on it yet. He sent his men out on a boat, and they probed the sunken area of the berm with bamboo poles. It appeared the road had sunk around half a meter into the river. One man got off the boat and into the driver's compartment of the crane. He started the engine, then revved the hell out of it in long, angry bursts. Diesel smoke hung over the river like a scene from some nameless Vietnam war movie. And then the crane lurched forward!

To other cars passing by, it must have seemed like the crane was driving over water - a sort of Frying Dutchman, trying to round the Cape of Sumoto in a Kubota crane. In fact, the sight of it almost caused an accident - there were sounds of tires screeching on the main road, but no sound of impact.

///////

Today, on my bus ride to work, I saw fish upriver of the construction zone for the first time since the big typhoon two years ago! They looked and acted like carp, but experience tells me they are mullet, even if all of their pathways to the ocean seem blocked by all the spill barriers and earthen berms put up by the construction crews.

Before the big typhoon and the flooding, the river was filled with all kinds of fish, both fresh and salt water (and the mullet, which can live in either). Crabs, too. And they used to raise unagi in there, as well... I hope it all returns someday. Right now it is so muddy from the construction that I doubt anything but the hardiest fish can live in there.

You know, I really am going to have to take my camera out there sometime before they finish up. It is quite amazing how they have channelized the river so far.

Sazae-san + iPod mashup:

Alternatively, get all old school with the original full-lenth opening.

Japan: Lawyers Wanted. Really.

So what do you call 10,000 lawyers chained together at the bottom of the Japan Sea?

A good nuka.

////////////////

Update: nukamiso

This is just a short topic I wanted to write down for future reference.

Anything older than the very newest US dollars can be a real pain in the ass to exchange in Thailand.

- I was flat out refused at one major bank and two exchange booths trying to exchange $100 bills.

- One bank had a note written on the window saying that US currency from 1990, 1993, 1996, and 2002 of any denomination, could not be accepted. (I suppose we have Kim "supernote" Jong Il to thank for that.)

- To determine if a note is real or counterfeit, the following procedure is used by the cashier:
1. Hold the bill up to ceiling light and squint at it for a while.
2. Straighten out the bill against the edge of the counter; reversely, if bill is new, crumple it up a bit and mumble something about it being "too old" or "too new."
3. Call over the next cashier and let them squint at it against the ceiling light for a while.
4. Pass it under a UV lamp (presumably in case "COUNTERFEIT" has been stamped across it with lemon juice).
5. Call over the manager. He will take the bill and executively squint at it against the ceiling light for a while.
6. Test it with a counterfeit detecting pen.
7. Collectively squint at the bill against the ceiling light with every staff member in the bank, up to and including the branch president, and his pet poodle. Pretend you all know little details to look for like the booger in Andrew Jackson's nose, etc., and have a little powwow about it.
8. Once you have cleared the first bill, start from step one to check any additional ones.

Although I have no idea why you would want to do such a thing, for the next couple of months (until the registration expires), you can reach C. Buddha's Hasty Musings through the alternate domain:

http://lepetit.us

So end my aspirations of putting up a French midget foot fetish blog there.

The Star Wars fan movie I posted the other day got some positive feedback, so here's another pretty good one:

Google Mars, biotches.

One interesting phenomenon is the Japanese tendency to add "-ing" to the end of every verb when speaking English. I guess this is just an extension of that in written form, but I'll be damned if I know how to pronounce it.

Definitions

Natto: Traditional samurai food, made of fermented soybeans. Known for preventing heart attacks and strokes, as well as food poisoning and intestinal disorders.

Hamburger: Traditional cowboy food, made of buns, lettuce (or sometimes in Japan, shredded cabbage), tomatoes, onions, pickles, and ground meat patty. Known for causing heart attacks and strokes, as well as food poisoning and intestinal disorders.

Nattoburger: A hamburger topped with natto; a perfect blend of east and west, yin and yang, dogs and cats sleeping together!

////////

History of the Nattoburger

On March 19, 2006, Justin A. Yoshida was perusing the menu at the JOYFULL family restaurant located on route 169 in Tenri, Japan (just down the street from the highway entrance).

"I want to eat a hamburger," he thought.

Then seconds later, "and yet, I also want to eat natto."

At that moment, heaven and earth became as one before his very eyes, and Divine Truth was bestowed upon him:

A star was born! In the months that followed, the Nattoburger became a cult favorite and started popping up on menus of a thousand mom & pop sushi bars, takoyaki stands, and shaved ice vendors. Its popularity grew and grew, until this very day, when you can walk into a McDonalds in Podunk, Idaho, and order your very own fermented soybean-topped McNatto(TM)!

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Additional Images

The inventor of the nattoburger having a feed. "It just came to me one day."

Check out this gallery of overloaded vehicles.

(Thx tim)

I'm working on the wedding videos and learning new software (Adobe Premiere 2) at the same time, so bear with me. So far I've captured the 3 hours of footage that T took, and I'm waiting for delivery of another few hours from the videographer in Thailand. I will edit it and distribute on DVD to whoever asks for a copy... Meanwhile, here's a test clip I made while playing around tonight:

(Left click image to play the video, or right click and choose "Save As")

Well, she said she was gonna get it and she got it. What can I say.

Note: Sharp viewers will spot the obviously confused participant on the left side of the screen.

PRANCES WITH WOLVES

JEREMIAH'S JOHNSON

HOME ON THE RANGER

THE MAN WHO SHOT ALL OVER LIBERTY VALANCE

DESTRY RIDES AGAIN... AND AGAIN

THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN INCHES

QUICKLY DOWN UNDER

BONE-NANZA

COOL HAND LUBE

LITTLE BATHHOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE

TUBESTEAK COWBOYS

SILVER-ROD-Ooh!

and my favorite:
HI, PLAINS DRIFTER!

(for some reason, sent to me in three distinct forms from 3 different people since yesterday)

Over at the Atlantic website, for a short time only: One of Our Whales Is Missing (by Christopher Buckley)

A worthwhile read if you have five or ten minutes to spare.

(thx sab)

If I ever wanted to market a new pickled fish rice topping for mass consumption in Japan, I would do two things:

1. Make sure it resembled miniature baby seals, or alternatively, Hamutaro

2. Name it something along the lines of mukashinagara shin-atarashiko (kuromame tappuri no)

That is all.

This is pretty funny: Fool's World Map

Click around on the different items for specific wiki entries; Japan's description is pretty good.

Sugoi.

You know you want one... Hell, even I want one! Kitty is my favorite stuffed doll at home, because she doesn't mouth off.

LINK

(thx James)

So if a couple of kids can do the effects this well, all we need is a team of real writers to create Episodes 7-9 and rescue the series from its creator, right? I can't help but think everything after Return of the Jedi was a pure ego trip. Fuck that.

Every year around this time in Japan the streets are filled with the sounds of Old Men Who Want Your Vote (And Mount Large Loudspeakers on Election Vehicles). Unfortunately they cannot have mine, because I cannot vote. Satan won't let me (er... also because I'm not Japanese, but Satan is pretty goddamn compelling as well). I feel a bit left out, you see.

So I took some pictures instead.

The election signboard with names and faces of each candidate.

With a slogan like GENKI UP SUMOTO, how can you lose? (for some reason, this slogan makes me envision Fitty rousing up his sleeping crew with a hearty, "GENKI UP, MOTHERFUCKAS!")

This guy's channeling Mr. T or something. "I'm gonna MESS YOU UP, sucka!"

The token "former Aum follower/current Scientologist".

They're gonna run me out of this city for sure.

Someone had some fun thinking up that headline...

Chowhound has been sold to CNET. Check out the Village Voice interview with Leff here: LINK

You can tell them what you want to see on the new site here (until March 17th).

Long live Chowhound!

Speaking of sheep, get a load of this shit.

What the fuck?

I guess I like my coffee rainbow now. I only wear rainbow t-shirts. The tires on my car are rainbow. The total absence of light is rainbow. And most people from Africa are rainbow.

Political correctness is the second most evil export from America (the first: Britney Spears).

In between RGB-to-CMYK travails for our wedding thank you cards, I watched the last episode of season 2 Battlestar Galactica and the first episode of season 6 Sopranos head-to-head last night. All I can say is, AWESOME!

Battlestar has turned out to be one of the best series of the past couple years, and of course the Sopranos never disappoints - and as it turns out, I'm not even sad that it's ending. It is time.

Everybody's making predictions about Tony dying and Paulie taking over the gang and selling the whole biz to the Russians, but that's just superficial shit. I think the big point here is what happens to Dr. Melfi and Carmela. That's the shit that will make you cry.

I've noticed something interesting the past few years: Television has gotten better than the movies. I'd much rather sit down to a new episode of, say, the Shield or 24 than I would any of the new movies - the chances of watching a good movie are just so slim these days... I mean, I saw Brokeback Mountain on DVD the other night and it had some beautiful shots of sheep and all, but like, I'm not from New Zealand, man! That shit doesn't count as foreplay in my book. It sure didn't set up the grunty sausage-fumbling in the middle of the night tent scene for me, so there was a certain sense of disconnect about the whole thing... Maybe television is just making me a simpler bastard.

Sure, I like a well-crafted story and interesting dialog as much as the next guy, but at the end of the day, I want my fix of good ole JB.

Suspect won't talk? Shoot him, Jack.

Terrorist won't surrender? Shoot him, Jack.

Old friend betrays the country? SHOOT THAT MOTHERFUCKER, Jack!

////////////

Like I keep saying, Kiefer should legally change his name to Jack Bauer. Also, it pretty much goes without saying that he should quit acting as soon the series ends.

I miss Thailand.

(click on image to enlarge)

This is, quite simply, the coolest urinal I have ever seen (and I have seen my fair share of urinals, son). This was located at the floating market located a couple hours from Bangkok, Damnoen Saduak, which was incidentally well worth the trip. A lot of people said it was a tourist trap so I was kind of wary at first, but all I can say is: Racing longtail boats down narrow canals! Monitor lizards basking in the sun! Awesome urinals!

Warning: The following video is extremely racist and offensive. Only assholes and deviants will find it amusing. (Got your attention now? I DARE YOU not to watch it! I DOUBLE DOG dare you!)

Note: There's an IMDB entry for this video.

(thx t)

Two days ago it was like spring had been kickstarted, sunny and warm (so sunny and warm that it created a huge fogbank on the coast, where it met with the cool air - it was like a huge cloud had set on the city).

Yesterday it was cold, winter cold.

Today it is sunny. Well, it was sunny fifteen minutes ago. Now I'm looking at a full-blown snowstorm outside the office windows.

Mother Nature sure can be a fickle bitch.

UPDATE: Now it's sunny AND snowing. Which is actually kinda cool.

One of these would really cut down on my commuting time in the morning (nothing like a fusillade of 40mm grenades to inspire more judicious use of gas pedals...). Plus, I could ship it to Thailand in October and mount it on an elephant, ala Suryothai.

You know what's cool about going to the movies in Thailand (other than being able to choose your own seats via touchscreen, and drink beer from glasses)? Before the movie starts, a short tribute to the king is shown, during which everybody rises and (if I remember correctly) puts their hand across their chest ala the Pledge of Allegiance. And I mean everybody, even those little asian jungle punks sitting in the front row wearing LINKIN PARK shirts and throwing popcorn around and shit. Everybody shows respect. That's kind of cool to watch, even if you feel kind of weird participating in it the first couple of times..

If your name is Chris, and you are Chinese (and you are studying medicine in Chicago and dating my little sister), you need to see this:

Peanut Kiss Not Cause of Death for Quebec Girl

Why the coroner waited until now to reveal this news is unclear, as is the reason why the "test results" are taking so goddamn long. We should obviously not be expecting the hit show CSI:Quebec anytime soon, I am thinking.

Anyway, Chris is a real nice guy, but I suspect that's more of a survival requirement than anything else, since people who he pisses off can get revenge by simply shooting him with Skippy-tipped bullets... And remember, all of you - I won the right (via rock-scissors-paper) fair and square to administer the Epi-pen shot, Vincent Vega style.

Would you take sleeping pills on your drive back home? It appears that some people do.

I can attest to the fact that Ambien works - I bummed one off my mom when we were in Bangkok, partly because I was all nerves and couldn't sleep, and partly because I was curious. I can also attest to the fact that Ambien should not be used when drinking. "Don't take it with alcohol," my mom said. Of course, I took it with alcohol.

I woke up sometime in the early morning and puked on my pillow, very matter-of-factly. Like in a "I feel the need to regurgitate and shall do so, calmly, right here and now on this very pillow since I do not have the strength to go to the toilet" kind of way. Then I fell asleep again, face down.

I woke up the next morning with something dry and crusty matted in my hair and stuck to the side of my face. Nam was less than amused.

sometimes, mother knows best.

A reader here sent in an SNL clip that Adam and I have been searching for on and off for a couple years now: Quiz Kings

Chris Farley speaking Japanese! (actually, the cast's attempts at Japanese were not bad, all things considered - certainly on par with Janet Jackson's famous one-liner, "nikujaga ni shimasho," from around the same period.

(thx Nevin)

A bit too one-with-naturistic frou-frou trees are screaming-ish for my tastes, but then again, I wasn't the one attacked by a 7-foot Humboldt squid while dangling from a line at 250ft in the pitch black. Check it out:

Dancing with Demons

That guy's got some serious huevos.

- A Thai who can't eat spicy food.

- A diabetic Thai.

- A Thai with a peanut allergy.

Any of the conditions listed above will ensure that the unfortunate party will almost never eat food outside their homes. In Thailand, the land of delicious food aplenty, that is just bad luck, and bad karma.

No, not User Interface. Nor Ugly Imperialist. (for the purposes of this post, anyway.)

PERSONAL OBSERVATIONS:
Simply put, "ui!" is the sound of a Thai person in distress. Variations on this include, "uuui!," "uuii!," and "uuuuuuui!" (can you see my linguistics major paying off now?)

If I unprovokedly poke my wife in the side, she might exclaim, "uui!" (she might just as soon sock me in the stomach and then demand to know what the hell I'm doing, but I did say "might," right?) [English equivalent in this example: "Hey!"]

If a Thai dude catches a whiff of (presumedly spicy) gas passed by his friend, he might say "ui!" and pinch his nose in the universal sign for "that's stanky!" [English equivalent: "Jesus!"]

If a Thai hears something remarkable in a conversation, they might reply with a long "uuuuuii." ["Ooooh," or, "uh huh" - just a simple affirmation or acknowledgment of what previus speaker stated, mixed with real or exaggerated amazement or wonder]

The mighty ui is also used for oh shit moments. For instance, if The Sorcerer's Apprentice had ever been subtitled in Thai, it would have looked something like this:

BACKGROUND
A couple weeks ago, T and I were sitting in a taxi, stuck in that good old Bangkok traffic (for perhaps the 47th time in one week). Conversation turned to the subject of bar fights in Thailand. T has seen many since he is a professional lounge lizard; I have seen only a few, all in Patong Beach. One curious observation we both had is that when a farang (gaijin) gets into an actual fight with a Thai, the place usually explodes with hordes of angry Thais swinging barstools, glass ashtrays, and beer bottles at the foreigner's head. It's really quite a trip to watch. They will fuck you up in defense of their Thai brethren, no bullshit on that count, man. Which bring us to the point of this post...

If a foreigner of Asian descent is fighting with, say, a white guy in a Soi Cowboy bar fight, would he be helped out by the Thais? Would Powder be stomped into oblivion by angry bar girls in gogo boots?

THE UI THEORY
In such a situation, if the said Asian starts making loud "uuuuii!" noises when he gets hit, the fury of a thousand Suryothai cannon-bearing elephants will strike down upon the white man. There are at least three possible reasons for this:

1. The Asian man may have been mistaken for a Thai, hence kicking in the Thai Brethren Response

2. Even if he isn't mistaken as Thai, he may receive enough Asian Sympathy Points to trigger a response

3. Regardless of looks, he may trigger an involuntary response with his tactical use of ui

Regarding that last point, we may need to run some field tests between two white guys to see if what we have coined the Thai Brethren Response is actually just a Pavlovian response to the utterance of ui (and hence must be renamed to the Ui Response).

(thx fish)

Since I'll be here for one last summer, it means we can visit our pal Hirata's sea kayaking school in Wakayama...

Oh my god, Jack Bauer is my hero.

...in preparation for the big move to Thailand in October.

Haven't done this for five years - just forgot how it felt, ya know?

Honestly describe your professional history in less than a page, without boring anyone too badly OR sounding like you love yourself too awfully much.

I know guys who get off on doing this kind of stuff, but I'm not too crazy about it.

Apparently, there were OVER 500 GUESTS at our wedding. We only invited 350. I love Thailand.

Now this is some funny shit: The World According to America

"Makers of the hit cartoon The Simpsons have a filmed the show's opening titles using real actors."

What was the #1 song on the charts the day you were born?

Actually, the only reason I post this is that I feel extremely lucky to have dodged the Bee Gees... for the second time. A few years ago I went to one of the new mega-sized beer halls with outdoor stages in Bangkok, a day before the Bee Gees were to perform there - and was hence able to have a very fine time, thank you very much.

I must say, the overall quality of knock-offs in Bangkok, or at least in the Patpong area, has dropped greatly in every area - bags, watches, clothes. There were a couple of decent items, as well as some nice "originals" (Prada greatcoats and Jaeger-styled IWC watches), but the rest of it was shit. We were all very unimpressed.

The most recent knock-off shopping I've gone besides Thailand was in Korea, and the quality of the stuff there was world-class, with very hagglable prices.

click to enlarge

Photo by Adam, I think. Taken on Monkey Island, Hua Hin, Thailand.

The wedding photos are up on flickr (it's nice to be able to finally use my pay account to its fullest)!

Most of these were taken by my brother Adam (my sister Merin and I took a few as well).

Warning: These photos have not been culled (except for some on-camera) or edited, and there are THOUSANDS of them. Thumbnails for ALL of the photos load on a single page, so it will take several minutes to load in entirety. Just hit the link and let the page load for a while, or dig right in and start a loooong slideshow.

Morning Ceremony Photo Set

Evening Reception Photo Set

UPDATES:

Photos Taken at Wedding Studio

FIRST VIDEO CLIP!: Bouquet Toss! (Interception!)

Photos from my cousin Yumi (shutterfly)

Photos from Lek-san: Morning, Evening (Yahoo Photos)

Sakamoto's Photo Set (on my flickr account)

Taro's Photo Set (on my flickr account)

Photos from Uncle Po!

Hired photographer's Morning (Wedding Ceremony) Photos

Hired photographer's Night (Reception) Photos

2006 Trip to Thailand - Mika's Photos

NEWEST UPDATES:

Michelle's Photo Set

Dave's Photo Set

..............

Anybody else who puts photos from the wedding online, let me know. I will continually update this post with your contributions!

I guess it depends on if he eats all that meat or not: DEATH RUSH

Dear DARPA,

Please build me one of these. Because it would look good in my room. Plus, you could hide a secret base in Gifu prefecture because they still have real cormorants there....

This guy rocks. And I had no idea about his column... Been away too long.

Since I'm classified as chino, I can now proudly boast the new t-shirt I picked up in Chatuchak market. (photo will be posted later)

Some of you are such fucking nerds, I swear! I love it!

Seriously, though, thank you for all the kind notes... Nam is coming back from Thailand this Sunday, and we hope to see you all soon.

(YT notes that she generated the image here)

click image to enlarge

After sitting on the dashboard of a Bangkok taxi for so long, who else could aspire to such calmness?

(Notice the bits of gold foil someone has pressed onto him - it's not just for the big statues at the temples!)

... just because I feel like it.

FREE SASHIMI FESTIVAL IN CHIBA TONIGHT!

..............

Thanks, Peruvifucker!
I've already been harassed by the popo once because of this guy. It only takes one asshole...

..............

Racial profiling blows up in faces of dumbass Japanese cops
"...but captain, I thought she was a gook whore!"

..............

Stunning Scientific Discovery: Getting nuked may pose long term health risk!

..............

Shades of Cryptonomicon
In other Filipino news, T had to call off his kiteboarding trip to Borakai because of unstability thing. I approve: Getting caught up in civil unrest in a country where every strapping male's hobby is making long knives out of truck leaf springs might sucketh kinda hardish.

..............

Not news in the sense that it's not anything recent, but: JAL is FUxx0r3d.
My dialogue with a JAL steward two days ago (and nothing quite screams homo like male airplane waitress does it? Well, there's always the Ice Capades, but that's a different story.):
Stew: "Sir, please put up your seat"
Me: "I can't, it's broken."
Stew: "No it's not."
Me: "Well, the other stewardess said it was."
Stew: "Well, she's wrong"
(I try again and it doesn't raise)
Me: "Oh well, I guess it REALLY IS BROKEN"
Stew: "No it's not, let me try"
(He nearly breaks a nail trying to get it to raise)
Stew: "Sir, can you please stand up from your seat?"
Me: "Come on man, I got a full tray of semi-food on my lap!"
Stew: "Seats must be raised during mealtimes..."
Me: "THERE'S NO ONE BEHIND ME, WHINESTEIN!"
Stew: "I must insist"
(I stand up while balancing the food tray, trying not to disturb the sleeping baby being held by her mother in the seat next to me. Fagalicious manages to get the seat raised 0.5 contimeters higher than it was before and announces his triumph.)
Stew: "You see, it WASN'T broken"
Me: "This seat requires one to get out of it before operating correctly; that is, by definition, most definitely broken."
Stew: "but it RAISED so it WASN'T broken"
Me: "Your logic is broken"
Stew: (snottily) "Have a nice meal sir!"
ME: "Whatever. Go fetch me a can of coke."