After visiting Koh Chang, we took the ferry back to the mainland. Our car had travelled a thousand kilometers over hills and beaches and muddy back roads, and showed every bit of it:

wash me

In Chantaburi, I spotted the coolest lamp posts I've ever seen:


I want these in front of my house.

...and also some entertaining signage:

"The school at work place"

I thought this sign at a highway rest stop was pretty funny (but Nam called me a dumbass):

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- O V E R L O A D E D -

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The highways on the road home were filled with trucks carrying fruit up north to sell. This of course resulted in fruits of all types being spilled all over the road in places; accident spots were marked with smashed durian and dragonfruit. I was careful to keep a safe distance away from trucks in front as well as in back since it might suck to run over a durian at 140kph as much as to be rear ended by a 2-ton pickup carrying a ton of fresh mangosteen.

durian

rambutan

who knows?

I just like the balance of this shot.

The same trucks as above, but check out the tailgate of the red one!

Perhaps the most ridiculously overloaded truck we saw the whole trip.

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All links for the On the Road 2007 series:

On the Road 2007 (Part 1)
On the Road 2007 (Part 2)
On the Road 2007 (Part 3) - Koh Chang
On the Road 2007 (Part 4) - Overloaded
On the Road 2007 (Part 5) - Tamnanpar
On the Road 2007 (Part 6) - The Animatronic Chicken Roasters of Rayong, Thailand

...just down the road today, at a student's dorm just outside our housing tract. Nam saw the crowd of people who had gathered to watch when she came home, so we walked down the street to ask what was up. Some guy supposedly shot his girlfriend for cheating on him. Dumbass. Puppy love is some stupid shit to shoot someone over.

Gun violence out here in rural Thailand is more prevalent than I thought it would be what with the strict gun laws and the whole Land of Smiles/mai pen rai thing. Shit, people are people though, right? People tell me it's much more likely for a Thai person to be shot by a relative than a non-relative. I can't figure out if that's a good thing or bad. It brings to mind that quote from Ichi the Killer, though: "There's no love in your violence."

UPDATE: It turns out the shitbird capped himself after killing his girlfriend.

This is what my previous post (with embedded video) looks like when viewed from Thailand:

click to see full size

Awesome logo - I'm being watched by the Man!

I haven't posted a guitar vid for a long time, so:

Highlight of my weekend: Being told "wow, you really live out in the country" by a visitor from Wisconsin whose biggest complaint seems to be the complete lack of cheese wheels here.

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A close second: kidsincorporated.us (I don't remember what channel we got Kids Incorporated on at home but that goddamn song is stuck in my head for another twenty five years now for sure)

Taken in Kosum Phisai, Thailand.

Hitherto known only for its monkey reserve and a delicious Thai oden-like dish (Thai: "yentafo") Kosum Phisai may be put on the map by the multitude of statue/buddha image workshops dotting the roadside. The monkey reserve is supposedly one of the best in the country, and is a promising recruiting ground for my future monkey army.

My apologies to Kevin for using his post here. It's just too damn interesting to let slip by for a chowhound like me. I intend to use this post as the start of a series on the history of the spoon and fork in Thailand.

Kevin's original post is reproduced below:

Thailand and the fork

I normally think of the fork as a Western implement, but after complaining about the lack of chopsticks at a Thai resto I visited a few days back, commenters have been writing in to say that both Thai restaurants and Thais in Thailand use forks when eating. My brain refuses to accept this, so I pass the question to those two unquestionable authorities, Justin and Nam.

What say you, J&N? Are Thais a fork people? And if they are, how the hell did they get that way? Is Theravada Buddhism somehow to blame?

My response:

First of all, I'm sorry this response is late but I wanted to ask around about the history of eating utensils in Thailand, and then when I went home yesterday, my net connection was down.

> Are Thais a fork people?
Thais are primarily a spoon people. The spoon is held in the strong hand and the weak hand holds the fork, which plays only a supporting role by scooping food onto the spoon . In fact, it's used in such a way that it could easily be replaced by another spoon. Of course, that would look even more ridiculous than the current arrangement, which may explain the use of a fork at all. Logically, the next question should be, "why not use knives?" I have interviewed around twenty people since yesterday, and have heard three reasons for this:

A. Historical explanation: The knife is a weapon, so it was banished at the table. The seeming banishment is no joke, I think my house may be the only one in a fifty mile radius that has a full set of both steak and butter knives.

B. Practical explanation #1: Thai food is served in bite-sized pieces and there's no reason to cut it before eating. I kind of have to call bullshit on this one, I think it's true for the most part, however, I often see people biting a large piece of seafood, sausage, or meat in half because it is too large, or sawing it into smaller pieces with their spoon. Also, there are many Thai dishes that are not served in bite-sized pieces (which might be easier eaten with another utensil or combination of utensils), such as whole steamed/deep fried fish, long-stemmed vegetables, and other various foods that need to be divided before eating.

C. Practical explanation #2: It's the easiest combination of utensils/methods to eat with (once you are used to it). This explanation rings true to me. Basically, you will be hard pressed to get people here to do anything that requires extra effort without a serious motivator. I'm not saying that in a negative way, I'm just saying that's the way it is. If you think about it, the only thing easier than eating with a spoon/fork (again, if you are used to it) is eating with your hands, and that's exactly why many people here in the Northeastern region of Thailand completely forego the use of utensils when eating certain foods such as grilled meat, sticky rice, and even somtam (papaya salad). I, myself, love eating with my fingers (that's one of the main reasons I like eating sushi when in Japan - it's one of the only foods that appeals to all of your senses). But I digress.

It is my opinion that most Thai people, even those who use them every day, cannot use a knife properly (safely), and definitely not at the table. Fork usage isn't that hard so I imagine most can use one (in a primary role) if they ever eat pasta or steak, or at a westernized restaurant that sets the table with knife/fork/no spoon (they do exist, even out here in the sticks). Chopsticks are used in a primary role at noodle (as in, noodles served in soup) joints and in Chinese/Japanese/Korean restaurants. I've met one Thai this week who cannot use chopsticks, and one who prefers not to, even when eating a bowl of noodles (ironically, they both eat wet noodles with a FORK! Heinous! That's just being a bad Asian, IMHO.)

> Is Theravada Buddhism somehow to blame?
At this point, I would say no. Although I'm suspicious about those fucking Templars. Seriously, though, I think this has more to do with the influence of the King a century ago (Thailand's most revered, King Rama V) than it does with religion. But I need to research this more.

>...how the hell did they get that way?
Researching the history of utensil usage in Thai on the Internet has been a bit frustrating. I will dig deeper when I have time. What I'm looking for is evidence supporting any of the theories on the net, and indeed, any of the information I've written above.

Also, I like Dr. Hodges' explanation above more than any other I've seen thus far.

Yes, I aspire to be a utensil nerd.

To be continued, hopefully.

Humping Dog - "USB Meets Love"

Via g-man, who says, "Yo, the Japanese have too much time on their hands to be inventing shit like this..."

Just following up on a question asked in this comment thread.

BTW, the monk I asked to prove it was hung like a goddamn elephant.

The Thai rock band Carabao is the Rolling Stones.of Asia.

This photo was taken at a workshop where they cast bronze Buddha images. The wooden basket on the floor is actually a cage for keeping chickens in - usually fighting chickens, because normal chickens are just let free to roam and forage and cross roads or whatever.

The Log Song from Ren & Stimpy

What rolls down stairs alone or in pairs
Rolls over your neighbor's dog?
What's great for a snack and fits on your back?
It's Log, Log, Log!

It's Log, Log, it's big, it's heavy, it's wood.
It's Log, Log, it's better than bad, it's good!
Everyone wants a log! You're gonna love it, Log!
Come on and get your log! Everyone needs a Log!

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This post was inspired by the dearth of search results for "log log log". I want that top spot, baby!

(lyrics via)

Check out these downloadable mp3 NYPD siren sounds. I dare somebody to use one as a ringtone.

"When New York City police officers have to use their sirens, they have the option to mix and match a series of screeches and wails."

Is this part of the service referred to in "Protect and Serve?"

The most effective way, according to this Japanese TV show, is to slap your butt while shuffling away sideways. I liked the "dancing prawn" technique, though.

Please tell me.

I saw this photo and fell in love with her:

The thing is, her markings are dirty and she looks like she has an eye problem. Check out the page of photos her sellers put up here.

Another issue is that I really don't want to support a puppy mill by making a $200 purchase from them, but there seems to be no good breeders selling Boston Terriers in Thailand.

I loves me some unadon... Goodbye, unadon.

But, I hates ekimae ryugaku... Goodbye, ekimae ryugaku.

(Via the ever-adorable Fucked Gaijin)

Everybody was linking to this clip last week but I had to wait for it to come out somewhere else, because YouTube is still blocked here (and proxies are a pain).

My weekly pedantry hunt went well:

The largest island in a lake on an island in a lake on an island

An infographic showing left-side vs. right-side driving countries

Some foreign homonyms for Dutch places

All located on the website for Topografisch Verbond Elbruz - "There is so much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge"

(thx Sandman)

On Saturday. I went to my homeboy Ot's shop, Wattana Sound, to get a bigger horn put on the car since it seems to be the only deterrent to the 50,000 students haphazardly riding motor scooters on the local roads.

His worker takes off the steering column cover and leans under to examine wiring bundles. He uses a tester and checks each wire and then inadvertently triggers the driver's side airbag... POW! The airbag catches him square in the eye and is louder than a tire blowing out (I know this because I was across the street when it happened).

So eventually I return to the shop and Ot is waiting for me and shows me the problem... I make sure the worker is all right (he has a very small cut over his eye) and Ot assures me he will cover the cost for replacement at the Nissan dealer. I tell him that it's more than just the airbag since the collision system is tied into the seatbelts and active head restraints via computer (actually, it turns out there's a spring loaded system in the rear seats as well); Ot breaks out some cans of Beer Lao and starts making calls.

Somewhere in Bangkok, the steering assembly for an A33 Cefiro is placed on a truck bound for Mahasarakham, where we will have it installed on Monday.

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On Sunday morning, I am driving Nam to work when I hear this curious vibrating noise between my seat and the car door. I reach under to see what it is and my hand comes back up holding a U-shaped wire hair holder-thingie. Nam immediately demands to know who's it is, and I'm hard pressed to answer, because I just have no idea... She's has no reason to be suspicious, really, but then again, neither of us has any idea how the hell a girl's hair thingie got in my car.

I thought about it all day and a weird scenario evolved in my head... I told Nam about it and she thought I was totally bullshitting, but we went to confirm my theory - we went back to Ot's car shop. The worker who had been doing the wiring has long hair, and the force of the airbag deploying in his face knocked the hair thingie clear off his head and under the seat. Awesome!

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Yesterday we got the car fixed, so all's well that ends well, I guess.

I have always had an irrational fear of sharks. Even in our pool, when I was little, I was afraid of swimming alone at night and would imagine fins following me from the shadowy depths... Like I said, irrational. It has gotten better over the years, but I still like being around others when I wade in the surf or swim out a bit farther when at the beach... That said, I know the importance of sharks in the food chain (and that's not to say they belong in Chinese soup bowls). And that said, I found the recent run of anti-shark and other underwater weapons over at Wired very interesting:

SEALs v Sharks 1: Bang!

SEALs vs. Sharks 2: Darts!

Splash, Splash, You're Dead: The Military's Next-Gen Water Gun

Is it just me, or is it totally mind-blowing that the Police are touring again? You have to read this report by Stewart Copeland: Our First Disaster Gig!

Synchronicity is a damn good "speeding down the freeway" song/album.

(thx Lek)

There are several ferries running from Trat to Koh Chang. We chose the Center Point Ferry because it was the only one that looked like it wouldn't sink if hit by a stiff breeze. The signs for it on the roadway emphasized the fact that they were using Japanese ferries, which was somehow very comforting (I don't know how I would feel about trusting my life, wife, and car to a ferry made in, say, Kazakhstan or Luxembourg, you know?). It might be since I rode the ferry so many times between Awaji Island and Osaka, but I guess it's the same thing applied to electronics or cars.

Ferries are great places to check out other people's cars. Check out the gravel truck.

All of the trucks are carrying building materials!

As it turns out, even though Koh Chang is the second largest island in Thailand, most of it consists of protected forest so everything has to be carried over.

At first I thought these life jackets were solid proof of this ship's Japanese origin. However...

Not exactly comforting

I couldn't decide which was more unsettling, the date of manufacture or the implication that these life jackets don't work well immersed in petroleum products... Surely these weren't made for papyrus rafts or galleons, right? Steamships?

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Like many tourist boomtowns, Koh Chang has a bit of a confused identity due to the high turnover of businesses. Businesses have to evolve in order to survive, and this also results in some curious hybrids:

A barber shop/real estate company

A burger joint turned into tattoo parlor and postcard shop

This sign, complete with roof, somehow reminded me of the dark wooden ones for onsen in Kurokawa, Kyushu.

We had arrived on the island in the afternoon and just followed the stream of cars off the ferry. Most seemed to be heading down the west coast of the island, so we just followed them since I was worried about getting stuck in the mud since it had been raining off and on all week. The strips of shops and whatnot defining the town areas were, quite honestly, depressing. We hadn't driven a thousand kilometers away from home to be surrounded by druggie loser expat scum and backpackers in search of The Island, but that's exactly who most of the island (and especially the town areas) catered to... My wanderlust soon kicked in and I pointed the car south and drove up and down hills, around blind corners, and past breathtaking views of the ocean from the tops of jungle cliffs.

We were on a search for the best accomodations possible, not too expensive yet in a nice location, and preferably away from fat sweaty Europeans in thongs and college students having mushroom epiphanies. Of couse, this led us somewhat off the beaten track:

My car said "oh hell no!" I said, "mush, bitch!" ... and of course, that puddle was covering a foot-deep hole.

After following several muddy roads and doubling back after notfinding suitable accomodation, we drove as far as the main road went before reaching a guard shack and this ridiculously pompous sign:

Five bucks just to enter? In Thailand?

So here's where we hit a curveball. The guard came out of the shack speaking furiously into a two-way and asked if we had reservations. I said no but asked if we could take a look around inside and decide there. He said we would have to pay to even drive onto the resort property. I said no way. He told me to wait a minute and spoke into the two-way. The man on the other end asked what kind of car we were driving.

"Cefiro."

Membership has its privileges, yo.

Welcome to the Koh Chang Grand Lagoona. The manager was nice and sympathetic to a poor teaching couple from the country and offered us a private boat at one-third of the standard rate. Oh yes.

Morning view. The lagoon is salt water and contains approximately ten hundred thousand million fish.

We borrowed some bicycles and rode through the surf and around the huge resort grounds.

Covering up the resort's unfortunate little secret.

This resort is pretty much perfect, and priced accordingly. That's why it hosts royal family members, Miss Universe, and rich Thai families. We felt a bit out of place there, but everyone was really nice about it anyway. There were only two disappointing things about the resort: Weak water pressure on the botas, and an extremely rocky beach. The workers comb the beach all day, but in the surf there are fist-size rocks rolling around and waiting to break your ankle. This beach, in effect, is unswimmable and unwadeable, which is just a damn shame since it defeats the purpose of a beach resort. I guess rich people don't like getting sand in their ass cracks or something, because none of them seemed even slightly interested in the water.

Our future parking space?

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Conclusion: The western coast of Koh Chang is just okay. Sometimes beautiful but always expensive. It's also overrun by foreign shitheads and the weasely natives that follow in their wake. If we're down that way again, we might check out the eastern coast, though.

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All links for the On the Road 2007 series:

On the Road 2007 (Part 1)
On the Road 2007 (Part 2)
On the Road 2007 (Part 3) - Koh Chang
On the Road 2007 (Part 4) - Overloaded
On the Road 2007 (Part 5) - Tamnanpar
On the Road 2007 (Part 6) - The Animatronic Chicken Roasters of Rayong, Thailand

Some just aren't man enough to take credit for the stank: Flatulence Odor Control Products

In 2002 Brian retired from the Hawaii Army National Guard after serving 23.5 years so he could tend to the growing demands of the business. It was there, where Brian came up with the idea for the Flatulence Deodorizer (known today as the Flat-D). During a simulated Chemical attack, Brian and few other soldiers were tasked to complete their mission, while wearing Chemical protective clothing. While wearing the clothing he released gas and noticed that he couldn’t smell any odor nor could anyone else. But it wasn’t until one morning when Brian’s wife had an episode of gas did Brian make the connection. Brian’s wife made a statement that would set the wheels in motion. She said “Too bad there’s not underwear that can be worn and you don’t have to worry about the odor”.

This product, I feel, would make the most humiliating birthday gift for just about anyone who doesn't need it.

I actually get better chicken in Thailand, though. So I guess the two things would have to be rear wheel drive and the SR-20DE engine. Don't get me wrong, the Cefiro is much better suited to my lifestyle now, but it pains me that I had to junk her. RIP, Silvia.

All of you on blogspot.com are apparently dangerous... You have all been banned in Thailand for the past couple weeks. No word on when the ban will be lifted, since it was never officially imposed. The reason behind the ban was apparently to suppress any anti-gov sentiment during the previous party's court ruling last week (they got disbanded).

FWEEDOM OF PEACH, FUWEBA!

Buddhist breakfast

Monks come around almost every morning to receive offerings from houses in the neighborhood. Some people give, some people don't. We give quite often so I decided I should at least get a photo out of it.

I hereby present the new logo for Japan's prestigious Dolphin Mountain College:

I am honored to have been able to work with them.

This is a heads up to anybody trying to get in touch with the 社会保険業務センター (Social Insurance Operation Center) from overseas. The old telephone number listed on all of their official forms 03-3334-3131 or 0333343131 (dialed from overseas as 81-3-3334-3131 or 81333343131) is no longer in service and you may or may not hear a recorded NTT message that says their new number is 057-007-1165 or 0570071165. However, upon dialing this new number you will receive another recorded message stating that "this number is not reachable from overseas." If you are like me, you will get a shrinking feeling in your stomach...

Then you will use your 1337 search skillz and perhaps find the needle in a haystack on a procurement document for toner cartridges: 03-5344-1100 (from overseas dial 81-3-5344-1100)

They will ask for an extension; tell them you're a foreigner and love sushi and geisha, and everything will work out.

You're welcome.