Attention: My nattoburger invention may now save you from Alzheimer's.
While researching for an extended writing class, I stumbled upon this list of exercises at McSweeney's: THIRTEEN WRITING PROMPTS
Sample:
"A wasp called the tarantula hawk reproduces by paralyzing tarantulas and laying its eggs into their bodies. When the larvae hatch, they devour the still living spider from the inside out. Isn't that fucked up? Write a short story about how fucked up that is."
That's so fucked up.
The end.
The Big Picture captures the Dokdo/Takeshima (Takeshima/Dokdo) debate through big news shots: Dokdo or Takeshima
They should just take one island a piece and turn them into penal colonies, or breeding grounds for the next generation of Godzilla.
Actually, the best way to handle this situation is probably for the UN to evacuate the islands and then nuke them into oblivion. That way, neither side loses face, and that's really what this is all about, right? A 500 year old Japanese-Korean pissing match about some rocks in the middle of nowhere... And yet, this issue even springs up in articles covering race relations at Little Tokyo senior care facilities.
When will we all learn?
- Koreans must embrace their kimchi funkiness
- Japanese must accept their well-deserved reputation for snootiness
(And of the two, I'm personally guilty of the former more often than the latter)
...it was probably that big, feral, omniscient monkey in the sky.
In two weeks it went from the high 70s (F) to over 100 degrees during the afternoon. It was hot. I decided to walk home since Nam dropped me off this morning. I walked a few miles and emptied the bottle of water I carried along. People drove by in/on all sorts of motored conveyances, and wondered where the hell the crazy Japanese guy was walking. NOBODY WALKS IN THAILAND.
I'm the walking dude.
* poinsettias, which seem to be blinding but not deadly
A couple of the more interesting mistakes on the dictation tests I'm grading:
- parking garage --> taking the lass
- courthouse --> cock house
- bakery --> buggery
That is all.
.. and it's taking a loooooooong time.
Also, I have no parmesan. Maybe I'll use spotted gecko spittle...
Improvise, improvise, improvise.
On the way to my uni's sports day a couple weeks ago, we stopped off at a famous temple (from the ancient "kao noi ka mae" story) where they sold various trinkets, sticky rice baskets, and musical instruments at a series of stalls on the dusty temple grounds.
After testing out this drum and hearing how nice it sounded, my coworker and I debated about who should buy it. He said he had too many drums already, so I bought it. The man who sold it to me didn't say who made the drum, who killed the snake, or if it tasted delicious, and I didn't ask. Just having a drum with a snakeskin head is cool enough. One thing was kinda gross, though. The first day of pounding on it, scales were flying off everywhere. I looked down once to find my forearm covered in snake scales that were sticking to my sweaty skin. It was djembeistic and cathartic as hell.
Basic Specs
- 100% Natural Boa Constrictor Head, 9" (~23 cm)
- Glazed pottery body
- Expertly tied with 100% natural cotton twine and 100% artificial plastic straps
- Deep throbbing bass response
I will cry out loud when this thing eventually breaks, it's way too cool.
I'm flat out. Preparin', gradin', proctorin' - I'm straight out pimpin' Sarakham style, baby.
baby:
@ the fish sanctuary:
A better photo of it:
You might remember the video I posted about Osaka culture last month - it got taken down once by the Yomiuri TV goonsquad and I couldn't find another instance... Well someone has put it back up, with subtitles this time! If you didn't see it the first time, it's definitely worth a watch.
If you've posted anything beyond a recognizable photo on Facebook, you are bound to learn the hard way. That's my take on it, anyway. Between Facebook's TOS and willingness to sell you out - yes, YOU, dumbass! - there isn't a whole lot of hope.
I don't post about this in spite. I write about this in hope that you might OPEN YOUR EYES. Nothing can come good of a private corporation owning rights to reproduction and usage of your personal data. Get a fucking clue already. Corporations exist to increase shareholder value. Unless you are a shareholder, you are just an asset. Don't be a fool to boot.
NSFW. Maybe NSFA.
I never knew there were different kinds; the selective technology adoption reminds me of one of the later Stainless Steel Rat books, when said rat visits a planet utilizing steam and coal in modern vehicles.
The title of the article could be a Robot Chicken production: Amish Hackers
Note: This is more informative but less groovalicious than the Amish Drifting video.
We visited what's possibly the greatest tourist attraction in Mahasarakham again (well, besides the new Big C, of course).
Wow, YouTube's new embedding of titles on the opening frame kinda gives away the punchline, doesn't it?
"Veoh is no longer available in THAILAND. If you are not in THAILAND or think you have received this message in error, please go to veoh.com and report the issue."
So the big question is, if I keep receiving this message in error when trying to visit veoh.com (and nothing else loads), how the hell do I "go to veoh.com and report the issue?"
Brilliant.
Also, the rule being broken here is that you can't take away something you already offered for free (especially without good explanation). To the Veoh guy I helped last year at the US consulate in Bangkok: This surely isn't the full potential for Thailand that you spoke of, is it?
n : gastrointestinal symptoms caused by undigested wax esters (Gempylotoxin) of the oilfish or butterfish (that is contained in their natural diet but remain in their muscle tissue) which may include oily orange diarrhea, discharge, or leakage from the rectum that may smell of mineral oil. The discharge can stain clothing and occur without warning 30 minutes to 36 hours after consuming the fish. The oil may pool in the rectum and cause frequent urges for bowel movements due to its lubricant qualities and may be accidentally discharged by the passing of gas. Symptoms may occur over a period of one or more days. Other symptoms may include stomach cramps, loose bowel movements, diarrhea, headaches, nausea, and vomiting.
To minimize the risk of symptoms, strict control of portion size is recommended as well as preparation methods that remove some of the oil (e.g. grilling). Portions should be no greater than 6 ounces.
Compiled from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Escolar
//
By the way, the Wikipedia article contends that escolar (a kind of snake mackerel) is different than oilfish (also a kind of snake mackerel; more on this later). The Radar article I linked in my first escolar post made it sound as if they were the same. Actually, it turns out that butterfish is sometimes labeled as oilfish although it isn't any more oilfish than oilfish is Orange Roughy. Is it just me, or does someone at the FDA have to get off their ass and stop allowing every fucking semi-deep water fish (plus a few others) to be called Orange Roughy/Red Snapper/Sea Bass? Especially a fish that, as it turns out, was not only banned in Japan but also in Italy? These are two countries that know a bit about fish, yo...
Anyway here's the classification breakdown according to Wikipedia:
ESCOLAR (butterfish)
Kingdom: Animalia
Phylum: Chordata
Class: Actinopterygii
Order: Perciformes
Family: Gempylidae
Genus: Lepidocybium
(Gill, 1862)
Species: L. flavobrunneum
Binomial name: Lepidocybium flavobrunneum
(Smith, 1843)
OILFISH
Kingdom: Animalia
Phylum: Chordata
Class: Actinopterygii
Order: Perciformes
Family: Gempylidae
Genus: Ruvettus
Species: R. pretiosus
Binomial name: Ruvettus pretiosus
(Cocco, 1833)
WARNING: The article linked to below is graphic and nauseating, especially if you're digging into a chicken sandwich like I was this morning.
WHO'S HUNGRY? - PART 1 An Interview With Issei Sagawa, Cannibal
This was a hugely famous case in Japan (and all over the world I imagine - I was only 7 when it happened). An insane Japanese exchange student killed and partially ate a female student at the Sorbonne and not only got off scot-free in France, but also in Japan because the French authorities protected him. I was aware he was writing books during my long stay in Japan, but it never occurred to me that he had any kind of following. Rather, he seemed to be a source of shame to most Japanese I spoke with - one (ignorant) person even cited this case as a reason Yoshi Hattori might have been shot in Louisiana ten years later.
One of the tamer excepts:
"There's no doubt in my mind that I want to eat human flesh again, though. I mean, it's delicious stuff. It's widely believed that human meat doesn't taste good, but they only spread that rumor because it's a taboo that can't be crossed. If people found out the truth, I'm sure that men would all start eating women. So they don't talk about it because it will create pandemonium, but I tell you, human meat is extremely tasty."
You know what's really fucked up? Everyone, including the perpetrator himself would have been better off if he'd been punished for his original crime... Instead, he roams free and is still profiting from his original crime. The Japanese should strip him of citizenship and send him back to France.
I haven't used Twitter for months, but it was interesting to find the Dalai Lama's feed. It seems genuine.
UPDATE:
Hi, Justin Yoshida (cbuddha).
Dalai Lama (OHHDL) is now following your updates on Twitter.
I wonder if he likes dirty jokes...
Her name is Banyen Rakgan, and here I must quote Wikipedia:
"Banyen was the first national mor lam star, whose appearances on television in the 1980s brought the form to an audience beyond its northeastern heartland. She bridges the gap between traditional and modern mor lam, normally appearing in traditional clothing, but using electrified instruments and singing luk thung and dance influenced songs."
The basic story of how I found myself ten feet away from Banyen performing live is simple: It was serendipitous.
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I work at Rajabhat Mahasarakham University. There are many Rajabhat universities located all over Thailand. A few days ago I went to the Rajabhat in Ubon Ratchathani (where the US Air Force created a base during the Vietnam War) with 450 other teachers from my university for what they call a "sports day," and insofar as helping my tug-of-war team lose twice and thus tie for third place (the victories needed for such were achieved before I came in at the semifinals), I guess I did play sports. Sports Day this year was actually two days - we arrived on February 4th for the opening ceremony and dinner, and played sports on the 5th with teams fielded by all the other Rajabhats in the Isan (NE) region.
According to a close friend, Banyen has been overseas (mostly in the states) for some years and only recently returned to Thailand. She's a teacher at the music department at the very university we were visiting, which explains why she was performing at the closing ceremony/dinner. She is now 55 years old and has only become more beautiful with age. Everyone calls her "Ajarn Mae" which are respectively the words for teacher and mother in the Thai language. This encompasses the feelings that most Thais, and especially most Thais from Issan have for her - they grew up on her music and she is a national hero; she is also the most famous molam singer in the world. This much I have studied since the last time I really wrote about molam on this blog. Incidentally, Banyen is also a student of Ajarn Chawiwan Damnoen (who I guess would have to be called the Queen's mother), who sang at our wedding in 2006 and is also a living treasure...
I had no idea what was going on when Banyen started singing, as we were working through the free food and booze at my table in an auditorium crammed with several hundred university employees. However. I was drawn to her voice, and soon found myself threading through a crazed yelling mass of fellow teachers who were temporarily achieving enlightenment with an instinctive dance passed down through their DNA. I eventually reached the center stage and there was only a single row of people in front of me. People were offering her money as they do here - from grade school performances all the way to stadium concerts - and when she came to accept it, I saw that her dress was made from what looked like polished pieces of broken mirror... There is no way to describe the sound. It flowed through my body and I felt it as much as heard it. The primeval beat of the drums, the fluctuating melodies of the Kaen reed flute, and the luscious voice of Thailand's Queen of Molam (I use that word because this type of Molam is basically flirting)... For a few minutes I was lost in the groove, which is something I haven't felt for a long, long time. Dare I say it? Yes. For a few minutes, I too achieved an enlightened state. A state that I hereby coin as Molamgasm.
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The video I took on my crappy old cellphone is so bad, I was determined not to bother posting it here. The more I thought about it, though, the more I became convinced that it would be an interesting experiment: Perhaps Banyen's presence transcends the absolutely horrible quality of the video. Possibly not. Oh well, it's all I've got:
What a shame. I'm pretty sure this was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Then again, it probably plays better in my memory than it ever would on YouTube. Speaking of which, if you want to see much better videos of Banyen, she is well represented there. Here are two of my favorites: LINK 1, LINK 2
If I ever have a chance to see Banyen that close again, I'll be sure to have a decent camera. Or maybe I'll just ask Ajarn Chawiwan to introduce me...
This totally does not look like him, but the camera catches funny faces sometimes.
...aka Oilfish aka the "It" Fish aka Shiro Maguro aka Abura Bozu aka Abura Sokumutsu aka Mutzu.
I have finally found a fish that Japanese won't eat (raw, at least), and is in fact prohibited to be used for that purpose in Japan, and it turns out it's all because eating it may make orange jets of oil (specifically, indigestible wax esters) shoot out of your ass.
And yes, I speak of that as a bug, not a feature.
