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This weekend was just what I needed. I took a roadtrip down to Miyazaki City for the Cheesy Disco Party with Mark and Joe Fingerhut to meet up with the usual suspects. To say that things got out of control would be an understatement, and there are many good stories from Saturday night, but I will limit myself to posting an email I got from Joe Debiec:

Dude, shit is natural.
Mine is toxic. God speed.
I am nasty. Please forgive
it was funny at the time,
but now I feel like crap...
no pun intended.

I will let you ponder the meaning of this email, and give you some pictures from Yabe in Southeast Kumamoto to look at while you're thinking.
This is Tsujyun bridge, famous for shooting sustained arches of water out of both sides, just above the apex of the stone arch. On the day we went, they had turned the water off...

They're pretty good at making things out of wood. I'm good at burning things, but unfortunately I didn't have any matches.

Musashi has two wooden swords, like one that you start out with in the very beginning of The Legend of Zelda.

Hey, watch where you point that thing!
This guy has a serious tanuki boner.

OK, back to the story. Admittance to the disco party was 2,500 yen, and it included unlimited drinks for the night, "a bargain!" I thought. We knew it was going to be "one of those nights" right away when we ordered our first round of screwdrivers. The girl behind the bar (calling her a bartender would be streching the truth a little too much) took out some plastic bottle vodka, mixed in some generic orange flavor beverage syrup, and added soda water. It tasted like orange flavored pediatric flourinated mouthwash with carbonation. Seeing as the only liquor available came in large plastic jugs (as do Popov, Lucky Charcoal Filter Vodka, and other forms of rubbing alcohol), I stuck with shochu and tea for the night and was content.

The night got pretty wild, and eventually we made it back by 5 in the morning. At 11:05 A.M., Joe D calls me up apologizing profusely, and I thought that it was just a joke. I was mistaken. After a nice breakfast and checking out "Ed from Miyazaki's" nice collection of vinyl, his Technics, and GTA Vice City, we finally got to my car. Sitting on top is a paper bag from McDonalds. Just as he said, he had done a bad job of wiping, and there were finger-smudged bits of feces on the edge of the bag. Inside was a full loaf, and spent napkins. This pile had been allowed to bake in the sun all day, and was so toxic that it left a small stain on the roof of my car. I didn't "Just drive off really fast..." so that "...it will fall off the back." as he suggested. I was shocked to hear Joe tell me that he had left a bag of his own shit on my car, but I wasn't really surprised. Ah, what a good weekend, even if I did have to deal some shit. The only thing is that I don't really know how to one-up him. I could always wipe some crap on his face when he is sleeping, like that guy does on CKY2K, but maybe I will just pee on him... My friends are a bunch of disgusting degenerates, heh.

Comments (6)

Scuba Steve:

At least he had the decency to stick it in a bag. I probably wouldn't have.

Scuba Steve:

P.S. as for the one up. Why don't you buy a bag of some packing popcorn and throw it all of his room. Or better yet! How about taking a 5 gallon jug of water to his room instead. Then you can lock the door and kick it in for him to see his surprise...damn I'm good.


I can't do those because:
1. I have already done those things to others
2. They have already been done to me
3. The retribution has to be AT LEAST as bad as the original crime
4. He put a bag of SHIT on MY CAR! The bastard must die!

Maybe I'll just get revenge Hammurabi style, sans paper bag...


hey man, I apologize for my role (albeit microscopic) in this fiasco. Good to hear it was a good time. Wicked blog. late


Heh, I was telling your bro that I suspected that you were involved. You're the little devil sitting on everyone's left shoulder, disseminating evil thoughts into the minds of heretics.


Wait, how old are your friends? They ARE your friends, right? Mean karma, dude.

You are fortunate not to have known your Suzuki obasan, my grand-aunt. She hated this particular neighbor for letting his poodle doodle on her front lawn. Revenge! She collected as much doodles as she could and then one day, early in the morning, she dumped the whole fragrant sackful right smack dab in front of the neighbor's door on the "Welcome" mat.
As he left for work, he stepped in it. Things got heated. When he continued letting his poodle crap on her lawn, she just went up a notch on the crazy-scale...and dumped another harvest of ripe, wet nasty dog poop into his open car window. What revenge! I hear he called the police....but finally stopped messing with her. Don't try this at home!

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