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Moderation is Masturbation?

Reading about a group of people meddling in the lives of other groups of people when they have no good reason to makes me angry and confused as to why they do such things. I mean, even breaching certain topics with people you don't know is much like the act of craning your neck, or being the victim of somone doing so, to get a better view of how big of a dick the guy standing at the next urinal has. I get similar feelings when tampon commercials come on at unexpected times. Too much information exchange. I don't even know that cheerleader jumping on the trampoline, why should I know about her vajina!

I find it strange that many members of the Christian church are so vehement in their condemnation of sex, and especially masturbation. It is interesting to note that "the Latin translation of masturbate, masturbare, which is a combination of two Latin words, manus (hand) and stuprare (defile), thus "to defile with the hand."", is inherently loaded with a negative connotation. This attitude towards sex is unhealthy, both mentally and physiologically, but it is widely accepted by many members of society. Does this sound like practical advice to you?:

"Remain calm and tell yourself, 'You don't own me, masturbation! I'm taking my life back!' (or something of that nature). If that doesn't work, you can pursue alternatives like chewing gum, blasting John Lennon's song 'Cold Turkey,' eating chocolate or whatever helps you best (not masturbation)."

The ministry is based on Matthew 5:27-30, which condemns lust and recommends amputating body parts that cause a believer to sin, "for it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell." (from Wired).

The poor bastards... Not only are most of them feeling bad when they inevitably "relapse" (and you know that most people do!), but they don't seem to realize that they are promoting an unhealthy lifestyle. They are even encouraged to Bobbitize themselves if they can't kick the habit! Ouch! According to a BBC report, flogging the dolphin acts to clean out the plumbing:

Dr Giles said fewer ejaculations may mean the carcinogens build up.

"It's a prostatic stagnation hypothesis. The more you flush the ducts out, the less there is to hang around and damage the cells that line them."

A similar connection has been found between breast cancer and breastfeeding, where lactating appeared to "flush out" carcinogens, reduce a woman's risk of the disease, New Scientist reports.

Another theory put forward by the researchers is that ejaculation may induce prostate glands to mature fully, making them less susceptible to carcinogens.

But pleasuring one's self can help out both sexes, and also help to develop and strengthen intimate relationships:

...some experts argue that masturbation improves sexual health by increasing an individual's understanding of his or her own body and of what is erotically pleasing, building self-confidence and fostering self-acceptance. (Discovery Health)

I never wondered whether people actually believed that masturbation causes blindness or makes hair grow on palms, but I am starting to. It seems to me that groups like XXXChurch are merely misguided masochists, subscribing to a perverted vision of faith. I mean, wouldn't God reward those who refrained from using their genitalia from all acts except strictly for straight forward copulation? It doesn't seem very benevolent to bless those who walk the straight and narrow path with PROSTATE CANCER or a lesser understanding of one's partner.

On the other hand, here is an article written by a group known as Liberated Christians. You should especially pay attention to the "How Masturbation Got it's Bad Rap" section. I was surprised to learn that Kellogg (the cereal tycoon) tried to use his cornflakes to battle spankage, and "For those masturbators whom snacks could not cure, Kellogg suggested circumcision without anesthesia.".

Comments (4)

Bad monkey needs a spanking!


Amen. 'Nuff said.

Scuba Steve:

I don't know how you got onto this topic, but you sure did your research on it.

"Richard...who was your favorite Little Rascal? Was it Alphalfa or Spanky?"
--Tommy Boy


Yeah, I don't know why I decided to post this either. I just had this picture in my mind of some Chinese-American Christians on campus coming up to me on several occasions and trying to get me to come to bible study so that they could save my soul. I find that really annoying, but this issue is even more irratating, so I guess I had to vent. Can you imagine how akward it must be to have conversations with these people? They're not someone I would want to shake hands with.

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