Grizzly Adam

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When I was in the 6th grade I wanted to have facial hair. I don't know why I wanted it, only that it seemed like a cool thing to have. I imagined that when I started shaving, it would encourage my follicles to produce a luxurious mustache and beard.

I carefully assembled all of the materials I needed to remove the peach fuzz on my face. Next, I slathered an over-generous amount of shaving cream below my nose and ears but above my neck. Slowly and carefully, I scraped away all of the foam under my chin and on the sides of my jaws, leaving the area where my mustache would be for last.

Emboldened by my results thus far, I quickly swept my disposable Bic single-bladed razor down my upper lip, and felt the stainless steel blade bite into my flesh, and a warm gush sprung forth. The coppery tang of my blood laced the cologne scent of the Colgate shaving cream and dripped into the white suds in the sink. Despite this set back, I meticulously finished the job. It wouldn't do to leave a few patches of peach fuzz on my face.

The cut was so deep, it took a few days to scab over completely, two weeks for the scab to peel, and almost three months for the pink scar to disappear. I think my dad noticed the cut, because that Christmas I got an electric shaver as one of my presents (I barely had enough facial hair for it to cut, but I still did it religiously). I wouldn't shave with a razor blade again until I received a Gillette Mach II in the mail, as a present on my 18th birthday, from Proctor and Gamble.

Occasionally, I have gone several days without shaving to see what the effects would be. It turns out that despite regularly shaving for about ten years, I do not seem to be destined to have thick facial hair.

On this vacation, I have gone without shaving for six days so far, and although my facial hairs have grown to about 2/10ths of an inch, it just doesn't look like much. I would post pictures, but really, it's not worth it. It has been kind of fun growing it out though.

If I make it to an old age, I plan on growing out a really long, really stringy Fu-Manchu mustache and beard just for the hell of it.

On a side note, I seem to have about three hairs in my "beard" that are red. What the hell is that all about?


I have a few orange hairs that spread out from my chin. They're usually a bit thicker than the normal stubble. I like to think this is the Russian blood showing in our bloodline, but I'm not really clear if there really is Russian blood or not. Have to ask mom.

Da, there is Russian blood. Did you ever see a Toshiro Mifune movie called "Red Beard"?

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This page contains a single entry by Adam published on January 9, 2008 4:20 PM.

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